Frenzied Pace

Life here is moving at a frenzied pace as we prepare all the last-minute (hallelujah!) details for traveling to Brazil.  Packing, shopping, fingerprinting, paperwork for our jobs, paperwork for the adoption, paperwork for medical insurance, cleaning, organizing, visiting with friends we won't see for a while.  There are loose ends everywhere and we're doing our best to tie them all up... or pass them off to others who might be able to.  Then in the middle of all that, we get an email from our agency that sweeps us off our feet and reminds us what's really, actually going on here:

Just to share!!!  I got a e-mail saying that the kids are all excited,   all they talk about is their "MOM and DAD."

Hope, Expectation and Anxiety

It's the beginning of another Monday morning and we are filled with hope, expectation, and a healthy bit of anxiety as we wait to see if THIS could be the week that brings the news of when we will meet our children. We start this day knowing that only God can do this for us and all our hope is in Him. We start this day filled with anticipation and confidence. And we also start it with memories of the many Mondays we've started this way, and ended feeling deflated and disappointed.

Our case officer at USCIS (God bless this amazing woman!) assigned us appointments to have our fingerprints taken in Hartford. First available date: November 11. She recommended that we take the appointment card and walk into the office this week and explain our situation and hope for mercy and flexibility. As long as they have our recent fingerprints on file, USCIS should be able to process the approval update before it expires while we're in Brazil.

It looks like LIMIAR finally has the electronic copy of the Acordo and Lino is taking it to CEJA today so that they can make up the final packet that the president of the CEJA needs to sign and send to the courthouse.

The pieces are coming together. We will get to our children. We will be a family and God will be glorified.
We just have to remember to breathe.

O Acordo esta pronto!

O Acordo esta pronto!  The Acordo letter is ready!  As far as we know it was mailed to Curitiba from the US Consulate in Rio de Janeiro today (or maybe it will be tomorrow).  In any case, they said that our agency would have a digital copy tomorrow and CEJA only needs a digital copy to proceed to the court.

The court social worker will decide how much time the children need to adjust to the reality of being adopted before we can come meet them.  Usually a week, but it could be more or less depending on the social worker's judgement about our situation.  We should (probably) know by the end of this week and could (possibly) be Brazil-bound in a couple weeks from now!

Could it be that we are really just one step away from being together with our children?  After all that has happened, could we really be just a couple weeks from being parents?  Lord, have mercy and let it be so!

Step of Faith

I don't know how much faith I have in this process right now.  OK, I do, and it's close to zero.  However, I do have faith that God has brought us safe this far and will bring us safely home--with our children.  I do have faith that these faces are those of our sons and daughters and that there are big things in store for all of us.

Here's the update:  a LIMIAR representative was able to successfully submit the payment we owed to the US Consulate in Rio de Janeiro today.  It was a solution 2 weeks in the making for us and probably 2 months in the making for the other family who will likely be traveling at the same time as us (to adopt a sibling group of 5).  Whew.  Now all that remains is for the Consulate to send the Acordo letter to CEJA, who must notify the court so that Lino can request a court date for us to receive custody of those beauties up there.  (Aren't the amazingly beautiful!)

Just one major step left before we know when we can take that long-anticipated flight to the south of Brazil.  So, why can't I calm down?  Where's the peace?  I'm walking around feeling like I've just had 8 cups of coffee (and it only takes one to make my heart race, my hands shake and my body twitch).  I want to say, "this could be the week!"  But I honestly think it would be easier to convince myself that this adoption will never take place and we'll be waiting forever than to step out in faith and believe that it really could happen this week.  I'm getting palpitations just thinking about it.  

Will you do it, Lord?  Will you do it now?  What could possibly glorify you more than to do it right now?

I talked a while back about the battle between flesh and spirit.  It's a sticky place to live.  And I'm stuck.  Heart knows everything will turn out OK, head doubts it strongly.  Head wraps around the reality that we are almost there, heart is afraid to believe it and risk being bruised.  Heart trusts God and his timing, head can't imagine what would make then better than now.  Head trusts that our agencies are doing everything they can, heart just wants to buy plane tickets.  Heart only wants to embrace our darling beloveds, head knows we must wait.  Head loves that so many friends desire to encourage us, heart just wants to see it all end begin.  Head/Heart...Heart/Head...See what I mean?  

This much conflict inside of one person is just plain exhausting and the funny thing is that there's nothing I can do about it.  I resolve to let my spirit rest in God's sovereignty, and immediately flip-flop into mental anxiety.  

We serve a Holy God.  That means that He is so completely other that nothing we can do makes it possible for us to wrap our minds around how other He is.  As someone said in an episode of House recently, "It would be easier for penguins to imagine quantum physics."  But we try, and it honestly comforts me to know that "if we knew everything God knew, we would not question His timing."  (Inspiring theological quote from a dear friend and past-elder of our church.)  His reasons might be because He's not through with us, or perhaps He's not through with the children yet, or maybe He's not through with one of the many observers of this long process.  We can't know, but in the meantime, He keeps throwing us morsels of encouragement, like the last bit of this post by our dear friend who is also waiting to adopt her children from Colombia and giving God the glory in the waiting.  

Here's one last thing I know for sure.  In the moment we first embrace our children, none of the anxiety or frustration or disappointment or uncertainty of the last bunch of years will matter.  It will surely disappear.  And guess who gets the glory on that day?

What to do about a little Snaggle

Well, until today things had been moving along quite nicely.  And then we hit a snaggle.  


Here's the story.  The US Consulate in Rio received our USCIS "Provisional Approval" and needed to process a form called DS-230 "Application for immigrant visa and alien registration," a 4-page form with a $400 processing fee.  Once this form is approved, then the Consulate will write up the "Acordo" document (aka "Article 5") which allows Lino to go make us a court date to meet our children.  The consulate used to process this form after the finalization of an adoption but have changed their policy and now want it completed before they issue Article 5.  (This is a smart policy change because it eliminates the risk of finalizing an adoption and then not being able to get the children out of the country with their new parents.)  However, here's the snag:  they will only accept payment in person.  ...  right.  We can't go to Brazil without a court date, and we can't get a court date until we hand the consulate payment in person (or have someone do it for us).  In other words, we must pay in person before we arrive.  In other words, we're stuck in a policy that doesn't make any sense.


Our agencies (AWAA and LIMIAR) are working their tails off to try to figure out a solution, but have been unable to find one in the last week or so.  We have offers from 3 friends to connect us with their personal and/or business contacts in Rio who might be able to make the payment for us and are following some of those leads.  We also have many suggestions that we contact our Congressperson for some help.  I guess I'm not sure how the government could help me with problems with the government.  Even so, I left a voicemail for Rosa DeLauro.  


It's overwhelmingly tempting to just get plane tickets and take care of this mess ourselves.  We've been encouraged not to do that because no one really knows how much time will need to pass between getting this payment made... and the creation of the Acordo document... and the day our court appointment will actually happen.  I'm not sure how spending an extra 2-3 weeks in Brazil is a bad thing, but we do understand how it would make travel arrangements difficult--not knowing a start date means not knowing an end date and difficulty booking return tickets.


Thinking back over the last 3+ years, I realize that just about NOTHING has gone as smoothly or quickly or easily as it should have.  Just about EVERY step of this process has turned out to be unpredictable, delayed, or difficult.  Of course I know that God has the timing in His hands and that I will see how perfect it is someday, but after more than three years of working and wanting and praying and striving and jumping through many many hoops, I am at the end of my strength and I feel like it's time for something to go smoothly.  

The most encouraging word I've gotten during this latest round of frustration came from a LIMIAR parent whom we met at the reunion this summer.  He said, Soon you will be looking backwards on all these delays and they will be your war stories about how you battled for the lives of your children....AND WON!


It's hard to stay positive and keep trusting God's plan when our desires seem to be thwarted at every turn.    It's not a selfish desire, is it?  I don't think it's a sinful one.  Will our family ever come together?  Lord knows.  

Present for Abraão Lucas

Abraão Lucas' present is a beautiful handmade wooden airplane from Chicory Wood Products in Wisconsin. We are hoping that as he plays with this beautifully crafted toy, we will have conversations about the long plane ride ahead, what it will be like, and what that trip home means for him and for us as a family. Together we go home and together we remain--no matter what.

So, we've now found special, symbolic gifts for all of our children. We have clothes in their closets and toothbrushes ready to go next to the sink. And we have hearts so full of love for these sweet children that we are about to burst--with joy or impatience. Our agency thinks we should have a court date in a week or two, and then travel in another week or so after that. Middle of October, maybe. Of course, we've learned to hold manmade timelines VERY loosely, but we are hopeful that we are really only weeks away from finally meeting our children for the first time and beginning a very different kind of life from that moment forward.

Paperwork Progress

Someday, my life will be dedicated to children and not to paperwork.  It's looking like that day will be very soon... but it hasn't come yet.  We waited for a notarized original Visa Letter to arrive from Brazil.  It came in record time and we immediately realized why the Brazilian consulate would not accept the copy we initially brought them.  Just look at it!  It has an original signature with a "Notary" arrow pointing to it, a printed notary declaration with signature, a very official looking sticker with two different stamps on it, and a raised seal initialed for authenticity.  This is one seriously official letter.  If this is what they were expecting at the consulate, it's obvious why a copy wouldn't suffice. 

We're also ecstatic to be in possession of four USCIS "Provisional Approvals."  One for each child.  We're not quite sure why a second set arrived today, but we're still very glad to have them.

More Perfect Provision

It's a big day in Perfect Provisionland. Not only are we the proud new owners of a beautiful 2000 Chrysler Town & Country (thanks to Grandma and Grandpa Fullton),

we also are in possession of our children's birth certificates and official referral documents.

Not to mention a decree from CEJA officially granting us permission to adopt our four children.

This is really happening!

What next

During the last several months (OK, years) we've done a lot of wondering about "what's next." At this point, there's just a little bit of paperwork left before we travel to meet our children, and our "what's next" conversations almost always center around what it will be like when our family is finally all together. We have long conversations full of what I now call "mental nesting" where we try to figure out what the details of everyday life will be like, what sorts of expectations we'll have for our children, what will be important to us as a family, and how we'll convey all that to our children.

We're starting to gather the things we'll bring with us to Brazil, including special gifts for the children. We found a special locket for Maynara on Etsy. We want her to be able to hold it in her hands as a symbol of the importance of who she is and where she comes from, as well as our love for and dedication to her from now on. (These usually come with 3 interchangeable fronts, but the artist sent us 8!)  We also got her a nice journal and matching pencil case to be a safe place to record her thoughts and experiences as her whole life changes before her eyes.

We found a lovely, snuggly baby doll for Luana at PattycakeDoll.com, where they sell loads of multicultural dolls of all kinds. We hope that when she hugs it tight, it will still any fears or insecurities she may feel while her whole world is changing around her, and we hope it will remind her that her parents are always there to comfort her too.

Girls are easy to shop for, and we're still trying to think of just the right special gifts for our boys. Something that, when they put their hands on it, they can feel and remember who they are as individuals, in God, and as part of our family.

Another "what next" question is what to do with this blog. The purpose from the beginning has been to document the path God marked out for us to follow to our children, so that He can be glorified in the details and so that our children will have a record of all He did to bring us together. It's for them. However, soon we'll be traveling to Brazil and there are probably dozens (or hundreds) of faithful friends and family members who are going to want a front-row ticket to watch our family come together, and develop while we are away. This blog is probably the best way for us to do that, so I think its focus may shift slightly while we are away. But what about when we get back? What will its purpose be? I'd rather it not be a play-by-play mommy blog, because I feel like I'd be tempted to use too much of my energy on narrating our life. It will be more important for me to actively participate in every moment of this new life, but I'm not willing to give up this document--It's the first journal I've ever stuck to in my life, and I believe the recording of God's details has a way of making us notice them and live them more fully.

I know things will have to change here (as in every other corner of our lives), but I'm still not sure how they'll evolve. I've thought about writing letters to our children here. When we see God working in their lives, when we see them growing in special ways, or when we want to commemorate landmarks in their lives, we may write directly to them. I think that would keep me from the temptation of writing mere status-updates.

As with so much of what's next, I know enough to know that I have no idea what life will be like in another 4 or 6 weeks. But I'm planning on savoring every moment of it.

First present for our children

Last night we spent a few hours filling a box with photo books and other special gifts for our children. The photo books are what will introduce them to their new parents about 2 weeks before we travel to Brazil to meet them. We also included a little stuffed elephant for each child--did you know that no other land animal waits as long as the mama elephant to give birth to her babies? The elephant has been our adoption mascot for a while now. We've collected a shelf full of fuzzy pachyderms to give to our children. These little Hortons were sent along with a note telling the children that we have waited even longer than a mama elephant to meet them and that we love them so very much.

The box needed a little more filling, so we sent everyone a shirt from their Connecticut closet. Today James took the precious box to the post office and sent it off with an Express Mail sticker.

Weighing the box at home to print our postage online, I wondered how our children would know how much we love them from such a small, 4-pound box. I hope they sense that they are part of the family God chose for us all with great purpose and love.

Details

Knowing we're in the final stretch before going to Brazil to meet our children, but not knowing exactly when we will depart is a joyfully tense in-between. We are so thrilled that the judge has given us permission to come and adopt our beautiful children, and we are trying to think of all the details that will need to be accomplished before we go. In one sense, we feel as ready as we'll ever feel, but then again, there are probably things we should do, talk about, or get in order to be really ready.

So this weekend we went shopping. We hit Kohl's where there were some wonderful sales, then Old Navy, where we found some good deals on adorable clothes.

This is the most tangible our children have ever been to us--

"Which dress do you think Maynara would like?"

"Do you think this is too small for Brayan?"

"Luana probably should have something that isn't pink."

"Abraão Lucas will look so handsome in this."

It was so much fun to imagine our sweet ones in everything we chose. (Hoping it will fit, because we still don't have their exact sizes.)

The grandparents also picked up some beautiful wooden blocks at a friend's tag sale, so this weekend, we scrubbed them all and set them out in the sun to dry (thanks, Tio David!).

We're all in agreement

We are still elated thinking about the judge's decision to grant our petition and allow us to adopt our children from Brazil. Our minds are racing wondering what we need to do to get ready, and our hearts are "oh so happy," as James put it today.

We're not sure when we'll actually be leaving for Brazil to meet our children, because there's still a small mountain of paperwork to accomplish. Back in our post entitled Hope, we started to explain some of the tangle of red tape that needed to be straightened out before everything can be legal, final, and just as we desire it to be. Well, three weeks after that posting, we understand the process better, and I'm going to spell it out here so that the record of our journey is as accurate as we can make it for our children, so that everyone who reads this can pray that God will carry us through these next few steps, and so that anyone who follows behind us on this path will have a better idea of what to expect. I'm working this out as I go, so things may not turn out the way we expect them to (they almost never do), but here's what I've deduced so far:

• Judge decided to grant our petition!!!
• We start working on our USCIS I-800 application, and all the documentation that goes with it. Lino has to get copies of the kids' birth certificates, so we asked him to get more photos and info about clothes/shoe sizes while is at their home.
• CEJA creates a document called an acordo, which is an agreement between the Judge, CEJA, and the US Department of State
• Until very recently (a couple weeks ago) no one knew who, from the US Department of State would sign the acordo, since the Hague Treaty changed all the rules. Seems like it's almost all sorted out (thanks to another AWAA family getting their acordo before us) now and we should be able to be one of the first families to creep through the new channel.
• When the acordo is all signed, a Letter of Invitation (LOI) is generated
• A copy of that letter comes to us so we can get visas, a quick 2-day process
• The letter itself goes to the US consulate in Rio because they will be the ones to issue visas to our children. (Visas that make them automatically US citizens when we arrive home.)
• USCIS approves our I-800 application which ensures visas for each of the children
• Meanwhile, Lino makes our court appointments and we make our travel arrangements

So, it's still a pretty complicated process, but until the judge gave us her YES, it was all paused. We've pressed play, and we'll make it to the bottom of the paperwork list and to Brazil as soon as we can.