This is the place where we are have documented the road we have walked in order to adopt our four children from Brazil and the road we are now on as a family. We are keenly aware that adopting is not just a process we've chosen to go through, but part of God's plan for us and for our children. May He be glorified through the process and through our family!

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

On God's timing

Philippians 3:3 tells us that we should be people "who worship by the Spirit of God... and... put no confidence in the flesh." And it's no wonder that the Bible talks so much about this battle between spirit and flesh. It's really happening in Christians all the time. I feel the tension every I pray for our family (and the several others I know who are waiting for their children--adopted and biological) to come together soon.

My flesh wants soon to mean NOW (with good reason and less than selfish motives), but my heart tells me that God's plan is perfect even if we have to wait for ten more years. Ultimately, I want what God wants (which is the thing that will bring him most glory on Earth) but at the same time I want my babies right away.

How can I reconcile these conflicting desires and how can I pray when neither request feels right? It seems impossible to know what to do.

I think it's right to tell the Lord the desires of our heart (I've waited for three years and I LONG to have my children here with me).

I think it's right to plead for the case of others (Lord, no child should have to grow up without a family. Bring them to us soon.)

I think it's right to submit to God's will (God, you plan is clearly better than mine. It is perfect and even if it hurts me, Lord, have your way in this situation.)

I think it's right to pour out our hearts to the Lord (I don't feel like I can wait any longer, I want to be in Brazil holding my children and telling them how much I love them... but I trust your wisdom, Lord, so hold us up while we wait.)

I also think it's right to take my mind off myself and focus on others who need God in their situations. (Lord, I am not the only mother waiting to hold her children. Work your mighty plan in my friends' families. Bring together the families you have designed for HS, JM, RA, LB, ST, BL, TM and all the ES families still waiting. Bring them together in quick and miraculous ways that will bring You glory.)

I have prayed all these prayers. I pray them constantly but I still don't know how to reconcile asking for what I desire with asking for God to do what He desires. However, I am beginning to think that somewhere in the sum of all those prayers and the ones being offered on behalf of our family by many others, must be something that pleases our Lord. Just talking to Him shows him that our hearts are fixed on Him and that is what He is looking for. Hearts devoted to Him.

So, I'm still torn between flesh and spirit, wanting and waiting, selfishness and service. I want to hear from the judge, buy plane tickets and go down to Brazil to become a mother--now. But at the same moment, I know I'm safe in the plan God has for our family. This is what it feels like to be living in the tension between spirit and flesh.

1 comment:

The Princess said...

I have been praying for God to give these wonderful children the home and family they need to grow and thrive mentally, spiritually, and emotionally (and let it be our family). God knows our hearts and this is what is in my heart. You sent us photos of other children --even two you petitioned to adopt --but it wasn't until I saw the video of these four that I could envision them in my kitchen stirring something, or in my bed reading books, or at the beach building sand castles. That's why it is so difficult for me to remember to pray: Not my will, but Thine.
Love, Vovo.