Anticipation

Dear Maynara, Abraão Lucas, Luana, and Brayan,

I can hardly think about anything else but you lately, my loves! As it is now only a matter of weeks until we will be able to fly down and meet you, I find myself anticipating the union of our family more and more each day. It’s funny to think back almost six months to March when we first found out about you, and to think about all the many things that had to work to make us a family. Even when it was tough for us to wait for an answer from the judge, and even when I feared that the judge might say “no,” I tried to stay focused on you all, my loves, and tried trust in the knowledge that God would make sure we would be brought together as a family if He had planned it. And, boy, am I so happy that He did!

Even as I’m writing this letter to you, you probably don’t know anything about us yet, although we were told that you have been talking about families and are excited about the possibility of a family. I know when the time is right, Lino will come talk with you and he will be able to finally give you the gifts we prepared a few weeks ago for you: the photo books, the little stuffed elephants, and the shirts. (Can those silly little gifts really show you how much we love you!?) I daydream about that moment sometimes, wondering what each of you will think when you open the book for the first time to see the photos of us, your Mom and Dad. Or the pictures of your house here in Connecticut. Or the snapshots of Oscar, who I’m sure will be so happy to have you to play with when you get home!

But don’t worry, I’m trying not to romanticize that moment too much in my mind! In reality, I know you might be scared, too. I'm sure I would be a little scared if I were in your shoes! But I want you to know that it’s OK to be scared and excited at the same time. There are a lot of exciting things and a lot of new and unknown things just around the corner for all of us. The bottom line is that we’re going to be a family, and we’ll get through it all, fun times and tough times, together--no matter what.

A few nights ago I was looking at your photos as I lay in bed before falling asleep. Your Mom came in to bed after me and asked what I was doing. I told her “I’m just looking at the photos of our beautiful children.” She smiled and answered, “won’t it be nice to be able to peek in on them sleeping in their own beds once we're all home.”

Yes. Yes, it really will be.

Love,
Papai

The gears are turning--slowly

We heard yesterday that the head of CEJA went to see the judge and pushed for an answer. Seems the judge did not take the papers hoe last week when we heard that she had, but now she says she will and CEJA feels like this is a positive, even though the judge still thinks of us as too young for "all those children." So, we ask all of our friends to continue PRAYING that God will nudge the judge to make the right decision.

So, the gears are turning ever so slowly. But I guess sometimes the the slowest gears accomplish the most work.

My dear children,

We are not giving up on you because God has placed you in our hearts and we trust that He will place you in our family as a place where you can grow and be loved and become the men and women that He wants you to be. We also trust Him to make us the parents he wants us to be. It will be hard for you to leave your Brazilian home, but we know that if God does this, he has big plans for you. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)

Mamãe e Papai

Going to Bat for Your Kids

Dearest Children,

It's late here in Connecticut and I pray that you are sound asleep in your beds in Curitiba. Your Mom is sleeping here beside me, but I have been awake for the last couple of hours writing a letter. You see, after all of the many people and agencies who have touched our application until now, the decision lies in the hands of one particular judge in Brazil. (Actually, the decision lies in God's omnipotent hands, but I think you get my point!) This judge is actually on vacation right now, but in a few weeks when she comes back, she'll be looking at a mountain of paperwork, information about your Mom and me and information about you guys, and decide whether she sees a family or not. I, of course, have been praying since I saw your pictures back in March that when it came to this moment, she would see a family!

Apparently, she actually did see our file the day before going on vacation, and she expressed some concern about the fact that we are relatively young and that there are a lot of you guys! Because it was such a big decision to make, she decided to go on vacation and make the decision when she got back. I suspect that this is probably a good thing--I'm glad she didn't make a hasty decision of "no" just because of our age or anything. This delay gives her time to give the amount of consideration we all deserve, and it gives us an opportunity to write a letter to her.

You see, though we've written certain statements and things along the way, most of what she is looking at are things that other people have written about us (social workers, psychologists, friends, pastors, employers). And all of it was written before we knew about you guys! This letter, then, is an opportunity to bring our application up to date by talking about you all, to show our true heart, to tell her how much we feel that you are our children, and to plead with her once again to allow us to come to Brazil to prove that we can be a family.

I recall when I was young and living at home that my Mom always said a parent has to go to bat for their kids.  This means that a parent should advocate for their kids, defend them, protect them. I kinda feel like that's what this letter is. Your Mom and me, well, we already think we're a family even though the judge hasn't approved our petition yet, and so this is our way of going to bat for you guys before we've even met you! We hope and pray that this letter may do the trick, and that we can be together soon!

Wow, tonight is going to be tomorrow in just a few minutes, so I must go to sleep myself. I just wanted you to know that I had drafted one more letter that I hope will help us become a family someday soon. I'll let your Mom see it tomorrow so she can do some editing, too--she actually did some work on it before me, so we've both put our hearts into this for you.  It should be off to Brazil before too long, probably by the end of the week.

In the mean time, sleep tight, my loveys! Eu te amo muito.

Love,
Papai

Call to Prayer

Each time I sit to write in this journal, I think about my audience—my children.  There are probably dozens of people who read this each time I post the latest news on our family blog, and I am thankful for those friends, family members and prayer partners who are walking this road with us, but they are not who I write for.  I have some very specific objectives in mind as I document this journey step by step.  I want this blog to be a way for God to reveal his faithfulness to our family and I have always envisioned my children, years from now, reading over these words and saying, “Look how God answered your prayer!” or “How miraculous that God knew we would be together so long before you did!” or “You loved me for so long before you knew me.”  Those years-from-now children/adolescents/adults are who I speak to each time I write in this journal.

Today needs to be a little different, though we have hope that God will use even this moment for His great Glory in our family.  This post is a call to prayer.  If you are reading this in June of 2009, then we need you to lift your heart and your voice to the Lord on our behalf and on behalf of the family that God has designed for us. 

We learned today that the judge who will decide whether to grant us custody of the 4 children who we know in our hearts are OUR children—on the day before she left for a 4 week vacation—was presented with our case.  She saw our case and the case of the children we long to adopt and decided that this was a big decision and that we were very young to adopt four children and that she would wait until returning from her vacation to make a decision. 

We have decided to write a heart-felt, information-filled letter to this judge and request that CEJA (who is 100% on our side for this adoption) submit it on top of the paperwork that the judge will see when she returns (refreshed) from her vacation.  This latest delay may prove to be God’s provision since this is a beautiful opportunity to add our personal voice and plea to a stack of papers written about us by others close to a year ago and long before we knew the names of Maynara, Abraão Lucas, Luana and Brayan.

Friends and family, please pray that the judge will see our hearts and desire to unite us as a family with our children.  Please pray that any notions she may have about the appropriate age of new adoptive parents will be set aside and that our love for these children and our strength in the Lord will be clear and obvious. 

Dearest Father in Heaven,
You know how we love these children and how we already see them as ours.  Reveal yourself to the judge.  Show her your heart and your plan for our family.  Fill her with mercy and compassion. 

Dearest children of my heart,
Can you see how your Lord has connected us from long before we first held on to each other?  Can you see how He’ll never let you go and how He’ll never let this family dissolve? 

 

Fullton Family Festa

Dearest children,

Last night was something spectacular.  80-something of our friends and family members gathered at our church to celebrate a Fullton Family Festa.  They showered us with love, prayers, encouragement, advice and gifts in anticipation of your arrival home to be with their forever family--us!  All of your grandparents drove up again, friends from near and far filled the fellowship hall of the church and it was amazing!  

They all want to meet you and welcome you into the Body of Christ.  I'm sure it's not an exaggeration for me to estimate that there are over 500 people who are praying for you and helping us get ready for you to come to your new home.  

We still don't know when we will finally meet you, but we feel like it's only a month or so away.  All of this preparation and waiting and wondering and praying will soon bring us all together as a family.  We know it will be hard for you to leave behind everything you've grown up with in Brazil, but we will do our best to love you and understand you and help you to feel joy as God knits our lives together as one.

There is so much love waiting for you here.  

Há tanto amor te-esperando aqui.

Mamãe e papai

PS  Here are some pictures of the wonderful event.  

Look at all those people who love you!

Grandma and Grandpa Amerman came to celebrate your arrival!

Grandma and Grandpa Fullton drove all the way up too!

Aunt Heather and baby Gabe flew in from Michigan.

Mamae and Papai told the group what wonderful things God has done to bring us together as a family.

Michelle made sweet little favors that reminded everyone to pray for you our new family.

Dearest Michelle organized the whole event with help from Sara, Brooke and Heather.   I think they were all too busy helping and organizing to spend any time in front of the camera.  

What I want you to see from all of this, dear children, is that long before you were ever under the same roof as your forever family, there were LOADS of people loving you and praying for you.  And even longer ago than that God made a plan to work out every last detail of our lives together as a family.  He planned every giggle and every tear that we each experienced before knowing each other... and every joy and every disappointment that we'll experience even once we're together.  None of it is a surprise to Him because our family is part of his Sovereign plan.  Many will come to know him because of you.  None of us can run away from the Love that He pours into our lives day by day.  As grand as this day was, His love is infinitely bigger... and it's for you.

Message to our Children

Dearest Ones,

Someday you'll read this and I wonder what you'll think.  I'm trying to fill these pages with all the love I have in my heart for you, but somehow I'm sure it's not enough.  You'll need more than just these pages.  You came to us because of a loss you and your birth family suffered, and that is a loss you will always have beside you.  You have not always been ours, but I believe that there was never a day when we were not miraculously linked.  Sometimes I don't feel like I'll have enough to give you to make up for all your hurt.  Will I be able to help you pick up all your pieces and mend them together to form the Whole children God wants you to be?  I will do all I can, every day, and pray that that will be enough.  

Your Mama

A message to my baby

Dear son or daughter,

I am writing this message to you before I have ever met you.  I do not know your name, how old you are, where you are living right now, or even if you are a girl or a boy.  What I do know is that I am your mommy.  From the very beginning of this journey I have known in my heart that you were waiting for me just as I am waiting for you.  We are already connected.  We are connected by love, and we are connected because, from before the beginning of time, God chose us to be your parents and He chose you to be our child.  From before the beginning of time.  Our family has always been part of God's plan.   The process that is bringing us together is a long one full of unknowns.  We do not know how long we will have to wait to meet you, but we will not give up waiting.  

I want you to know how many of our friends and family members already love you too.  Your grandparents pray for you all the time.  Our friends at Trinity Baptist Church ask about you and pray for your safety while we are apart.   Everyone I work with at John Daniels School knows about you and they ask about you all the time.  The people at America World pray every day for our family and all the other families waiting for their children.  Your father and I think of you every day and we are working hard to get ready to be the best parents we can be for you.  

It is not easy for us to wait for the day you come home.  I know it's not easy for you either.  I hope that you know in your heart (the way I know in my heart) that someday we will be together.  And when that day comes, we will be a family.  A family is a beautiful thing--we will hold each other in both joy and sorrow, we will stand by each other in proud and frightening times, we will be together when we are having fun and when we are worried, we will learn from each other, we will explore the world together and change the world together, we will always know who to go to when we need to feel safe.  Because we are a family.

If I could come get you right now, I would do it.  But we must wait.  And though we sometimes feel weak during the waiting time, God is using this time to make us strong, to make our family strong--in our weakness he is strong.  

 7To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 10That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Corinthians 12:7-10

With love,

Mommy