Symbols

Thinking back on the years of our marriage that were marked by the adoption process, it's clear to me that it was a very symbolic journey.  Every milestone or accomplishment or step toward our children was celebrated, shared, documented.  Applying to our adoption agency symbolized our decision to become parents.  Completing and submitting our homestudy and other dossier documents marked the beginning of our "pregnancy."  The hurdles, twists, turns, and delays tested our faith and our resolve and we knew that each painful test would be replaced by joy in God's time.  And it has.  Receiving our children's referral was the beginning of the labor and delivery process, and meeting our children for the first time on November 4, 2009 was for us the fulfillment of God's promise to us and to our children.  

Adopting itself is full of symbolism for Christians--the story of an adopted orphan is perfectly parallel to the story of all who come to Christ.  We were lost without hope or home.  Trapped in our own miserable sin.  And though we had no idea it was coming, and surely did nothing to earn such a gift, God went to great lengths to make us His own.  

But the story doesn't end there--not for adoption and not for Christians.  

I think it's safe to say that we're in a new stage of life and adoption right now, 8 months after first meeting our children.  So much of our focus (for the past 4 years or so) has been on the reality an the symbolism behind adopting.  For us the process of adopting our children officially ended on December 4 when the adoption was finalized.  But adoption (for orphans and for Christians) does not end at finalization.  This is what we're constantly reminded of these days.  

If there was an "adjustment period," we're well beyond it and we're without a doubt in the thick of being parents and raising a family.  That's what Christian theology calls "the process of sanctification."  It isn't easy.  It isn't always pretty.  It isn't always a steady, upward curve, but it is a process for sure.  The thing about sanctification (and family-rearing, as it turns out) is that in order to become more holy, you must first see, understand, learn to loathe, and carefully remove all the ugliness, imperfection and ungodliness that is within you.  Ouch.  It's an all-consuming process that has left us with little energy to do anything but manage day-to-day while investing fully in our children.  That's a catch 22 because right when we are in the thickest part of this process of living adoption (not just adopting), we are basically incapable of reaching out for the kind of support we need most--friendship and conversation.  You know, with real, live grown-ups.

I find myself imagining that it must be the same for biological parents once the newborn haze wears off and the church friends stop bringing meals every other day and having a baby isn't new news more.  Then what?  You've got an infant, so you can't just pick up and go to small group or out to coffee with your closest, most encouraging friends, or even dilly dally after church to catch up with people.  The baby has to eat.  And be changed.  And stay on a regular schedule.  And so the parents must do what is right for the child.  And so it is with our family.  Except that everyone's too big to tote along everywhere in a little carrier, and sometimes they just need mom and dad 100%, and sometimes their energy level is off the charts and they are off the wall,  and sometimes they have hissy fits that would not be at ALL fit for public viewing, and mom and dad end up kind of isolated.

Right there is the difference between adopting and adoption.  Adoption continues to be a reality after the pleasant metaphor of adopting becomes a memory.  And nothing will change the fact that someone has been adopted into your family.  That's the really good news, right?  Once we're adopted, we stay adopted through thick and thin, no matter what.  It's a family... and it sharpens us and improves us and adds more (much-needed) grace into our lives.

I'm including one great snapshot in this post because it is also symbolic.  We removed the training wheels from Brayan's bike last week.  Here is a picture of the first moment when he got it--wobbly and unsure, but moving fairly steadily ahead and getting back up (sometimes in tears) when things didn't go the way he'd planned; and then continuing forward knowing he's loved and supported.    

First Meeting Each Other--Family Day!

Thanks to Tio David, all the video clips from our first moments as a family are spliced together in a 2-part masterpiece.  

Thanks to God, all six members of our family are spliced together into one beautiful masterpiece.



PART I



PART II

More Perfect Provision

It's a big day in Perfect Provisionland. Not only are we the proud new owners of a beautiful 2000 Chrysler Town & Country (thanks to Grandma and Grandpa Fullton),

we also are in possession of our children's birth certificates and official referral documents.

Not to mention a decree from CEJA officially granting us permission to adopt our four children.

This is really happening!

Hearts a-pounding

We sure weren't expecting this!

But right after dinner, I found these beautiful photographs waiting for me in my inbox. Honestly, I've never seen more beautiful children. They've grown so much since 5 months ago when we first saw their pictures.

We're told that their "social mother said they are very curious and anxious about something to happen," but they haven't been told about their parents yet. The time must be just right so that we know we won't impose a stressful wait on them. That is a burden we must bear for them as their parents.

Soon, darlings, we're coming soon.

What next

During the last several months (OK, years) we've done a lot of wondering about "what's next." At this point, there's just a little bit of paperwork left before we travel to meet our children, and our "what's next" conversations almost always center around what it will be like when our family is finally all together. We have long conversations full of what I now call "mental nesting" where we try to figure out what the details of everyday life will be like, what sorts of expectations we'll have for our children, what will be important to us as a family, and how we'll convey all that to our children.

We're starting to gather the things we'll bring with us to Brazil, including special gifts for the children. We found a special locket for Maynara on Etsy. We want her to be able to hold it in her hands as a symbol of the importance of who she is and where she comes from, as well as our love for and dedication to her from now on. (These usually come with 3 interchangeable fronts, but the artist sent us 8!)  We also got her a nice journal and matching pencil case to be a safe place to record her thoughts and experiences as her whole life changes before her eyes.

We found a lovely, snuggly baby doll for Luana at PattycakeDoll.com, where they sell loads of multicultural dolls of all kinds. We hope that when she hugs it tight, it will still any fears or insecurities she may feel while her whole world is changing around her, and we hope it will remind her that her parents are always there to comfort her too.

Girls are easy to shop for, and we're still trying to think of just the right special gifts for our boys. Something that, when they put their hands on it, they can feel and remember who they are as individuals, in God, and as part of our family.

Another "what next" question is what to do with this blog. The purpose from the beginning has been to document the path God marked out for us to follow to our children, so that He can be glorified in the details and so that our children will have a record of all He did to bring us together. It's for them. However, soon we'll be traveling to Brazil and there are probably dozens (or hundreds) of faithful friends and family members who are going to want a front-row ticket to watch our family come together, and develop while we are away. This blog is probably the best way for us to do that, so I think its focus may shift slightly while we are away. But what about when we get back? What will its purpose be? I'd rather it not be a play-by-play mommy blog, because I feel like I'd be tempted to use too much of my energy on narrating our life. It will be more important for me to actively participate in every moment of this new life, but I'm not willing to give up this document--It's the first journal I've ever stuck to in my life, and I believe the recording of God's details has a way of making us notice them and live them more fully.

I know things will have to change here (as in every other corner of our lives), but I'm still not sure how they'll evolve. I've thought about writing letters to our children here. When we see God working in their lives, when we see them growing in special ways, or when we want to commemorate landmarks in their lives, we may write directly to them. I think that would keep me from the temptation of writing mere status-updates.

As with so much of what's next, I know enough to know that I have no idea what life will be like in another 4 or 6 weeks. But I'm planning on savoring every moment of it.

Hearts full, closets getting there

Though the last judge has not ruled on our case yet, we continue to prepare our home for our children.  We've been gathering clothes for them here and there for the last few weeks and we have everything hanging in one closet at the moment.  A couple more shopping trips and I think we'll at least have enough for the trip to Brazil.  I can't wait to take them all shopping and let them pick what they like.  And school uniforms... I can't wait to buy them school uniforms!

Somehow there are more girl clothes than boy clothes.  We need to concentrating on getting Abraão Lucas more than two shirts, and a jacket.  

 

Final stages

It's been a long time of planning and waiting, preparing and loving.  For the first time, we really feel like we are in the final stages of our pre-parenting life.  From what we understand from a few emails with LIMIAR's staff in Brazil, the last signature of approval that is needed before CEJA can issue a Letter of Invitation is that of a Curitiba judge who happens to be on vacation.  A substitute judge has taken our paperwork home to review our petition and (hopefully) approve our match with the 4 children we've been falling in love with for the last couple months.  It's possible that we'll hear the judge's decision tomorrow.  It's not enough to make us feel like we can exhale yet, so we're still holding our breath for the final word.

In the meantime, we got the boys' room put together and that means pretty everything is ready to welcome home all four sweethearts.  

1 Thessalonians 5:10-11

For God did not appoint us to suffer wrath but to receive salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ. He died for us so that, whether we are awake or asleep, we may live together with him.

 

 

This weekend we got the girls' room put together.  There are still a few more finishing touches to do, but this is where our girls will sleep, surrounded in the prayers of so many friends and family members who prayed these beautiful quilts together.

Psalm 3:5

I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the LORD sustains me.

Kim's parents brought up some bunk beds that were given to us from their dear friend Donna who lives in Virgina.  They stayed and worked all weekend with us to get the house ready for the arrival of our children.  

Paperwork Update

Luciana told us that Lino had received our translated USCIS approval and presented it to the court on Friday.  That means that the Brazilian court has everything they need to have from us and our approval and Letter of Invitation could be imminent.  She asked for a couple more days to find out when the court will make its next move.  

I desperately want to post pictures of our darlings, but we must be patient for a little while longer.  As SOON as we have our approval/invitation letter, all of our friends and family will see the faces we've fallen in love with.  

We're almost at the 100% mark when we are sure these children are our children.  Until then, we're getting everything ready, trusting God that they will be our sons and daughters, and reserving only the smallest sliver of our hearts just in case something unexpected happens.  I'd say 99.7%.  But that's just a guess.  .3% seems so huge, but God has brought us so far for this moment.  We trust that He will form our family the way He wants it to be--for His glory and not ours.

Making Room

The USCIS approval that arrived a week ago has become quite well-travelled.  It went from our hands to the Secretary of the State of CT's hands in Hartford, down to the Brasilian Consulate in NYC, and back to us in less than a week's time.  Now it is in Oregon being translated before it heads down to Brasil.  The court in Brasil will apparently accept an emailed copy of the document in order to keep things rolling while the original hard copy travels down.  I figure it's around 9,921 miles from start to finish.

In the meantime, we're proceeding to get things ready around here.  

Our little house has 3 bedrooms--2 small and one large.  We moved out of a small one and rearranged the large one which had been a family room with futon, TV and desk.  We painted it a soothing blue called Ocean Kiss.  Ahhhh relaxing.  James also built us a "cloffice" which is an office in a closet.  Quite nice, though.  Away went the desk to make room for a cozy little couch where we will almost surely flop to read bedtime stories.

 

 

The other two bedrooms are works in progress, but there are beds for both (two are currently being refinished, and the other bunkbeds are traveling to us from a dear friend of my mother in Virginia.)  One room is tidy and set up as a guest room with one double bed at the moment.  The other room is currently known as the "garbage room" (I won't horrify you with a picture).  It caught all the bits and pieces that that didn't have a home when we rearranged everything.  I have plans to tackle that project this week.

 

Downstairs we moved a big shelf out of the living room into the dining room.  We will buy baskets to hold the kids' toys and backpacks inside the cubbies of the shelf. 

We also replaced the old carpet (thanks, Oscar) with some delightfully easy-to-clean FLOR carpet tiles.  We got a new (old) coffee table from The English Country Building, a fantastic modernish antique shop downtown.

 

The new desk was from a yard sale at our neighbors' house.  They sold us this sweet 50's vintage desk and chair for $20.  We're hoping to mount the TV on the wall to save space.  

We still have a pretty long list of chores to accomplish before we feel like the house is ready for children.  Our hearts are ready, and I suppose that's all that matters.  

This weekend we celebrated birthdays, anniversaries and Mother's Day with both of our families.  Our parents are SO excited to be grandparents.  They are being so helpful and encouraging.  We came home with hand-made pillows from my mother and a carful of bed pillows and mattress pads from James' mom.  They can hardly contain themselves.  We all had lunch together on Sunday and I got my name on my first Mother's Day Cake.  There is so much joy in our family right now... and so much anticipation of the joy to come.

 

Okay, I'll show you pictures of the Garbage Room.  Just some little ones:

 

Happy Birthday, Maynara

We're still holding steady at about 99% certainty that the 4 darlings we've written about will be our children. We are still hoping that June or July could be the time when we finally meet the ones we've prayed for, worked for and longed to love for so long. It has been almost 3 years since we started in on the process of looking for and adopting our children. To have their little faces to look at makes us love them even more.

Today is Maynara's 10th birthday. Hopefully it will be her last birthday apart from her forever family. We are thankful for the caring individuals who have loved and nurtured her during her first 9 years and we look forward to embracing her from her 10th year on. We are talking and dreaming of ways to give her a secure and joyful childhood while preparing her to live a fulfilling and giving life as an adult. Our hearts break being so far from her on this special day in her life.

Maynara,

We are getting ready for you. There is a spot in our hearts and in this home--especially for you. No one else can fill this place. What a special young lady you are! We cannot wait to welcome you home.

A+ for the translator

Ines is our Brazilian translator based in Oregon.  USPS got our express-mail package to her (containing our homestudy addendum) on Tuesday before noon.  I'm told Ines got it translated in record time and express-mailed it to Brazil TODAY!  It should be in Brazil in less than a week!

In Luciana's words:  "All is looking good."  Her goal is for us to travel in mid-June or early July.  

So soon!!  

My mind is already trying to figure out details like car seats (in CT the law is 6 years and 60 pounds), bedtime routines (I've got a plan), household jobs (thank you Supernanny!), plane fare (Delta's right at $500 right now and James may have enough miles to upgrade our seats for the way home!!!), getting from place to place (we have a couple options), clothes (saw some sweet deals at H&M today!), quilts (thank you grandmas!), bedroom furniture (found the sweetest little set of twin beds at English Market on Chapel St.; for the rest, IKEA here we come!) and what I will say to my children the first time I look into their eyes (I still have no idea.  I'll probably be sobbing or giggling or something else that is very unprofessional-looking like that).

Here is the cute bed we found.  We may indulge in 99% 

bliss and go buy it this weekend while James' parents 

are visiting!

PRAYER REQUEST

Please pray for Anita M. and her two trainees who are currently (right now) looking at our file at USCIS.  100 days have gone by since USCIS entered our paperwork into their system--107 since it arrived at their office--and when I called today to check up on things, Anita, the officer assigned to our case, opened our file for the first time.  She was sweet and polite and very candid with me; she gave me 10 minutes of her time on the phone and answered several questions.  She also volunteered the information that she is training two "mentees" who will be learning how to evaluate cases by evaluating our case.  Trainees!  She asked me to give her another week and a half to finish evaluating our case.  

She glanced at our file while we were on the phone and noticed something that might turn out to be a problem with our homestudy and she has promised to call me on my cell phone by tomorrow to let me know if we will have to have our social worker do another home visit and amend our homestudy again.  Everything I've read says that we should not have to do that, but she seemed iffy about it.  So, she'll tell me tomorrow if I have to endure more interactions with our social worker.

I can be honest in this blog, right?  This is the very first moment that I have felt the impatience, frustration, exasperation and exhaustion that so many adoptive families have told me were recurring themes of their adoption process.  It has been just about two and a half years since we started this process by choosing an adoption agency, and something about my conversation with Anita M. today walloped my spirit somethin' fierce.  I'm trying not to wallow in self-pity here, but the truth is that if it really takes her another week and a half to finish reviewing our case--even if it's approved after that--we probably won't get the official letter until the week before Christmas, leaving it nearly impossible to notarize, certify and legalize it before the first of the year.  Meanwhile, another Christmas goes by during which our children do not know that they have parents waiting for them with all their hearts.

There have been headaches, time crunches, and days during which I felt like a chicken running around with its head cut off, but there have been few tears shed about this process so far--it's a process--anyone can wait one more day, right?  Well, at the moment I can't muster up any hopeful sayings to re-inflate my sagging heart.  

So, pray.  Please pray as you read this that Anita M. and her trainees will catch the vision that their work is worth far more than paper-pushing.  Pray that they are motivated by the true fact that in their hands they hold the hopes and dreams and futures of children and families.  Pray that the true gravity of what they do each day will motivate them to work quickly and with purpose for all the families whose lives sit in manila folders on their desks.  And pray that after reading our papers carefully, they will be able to confidently approve our file.

I haven't forgotten the purpose of this blog.  I am writing even these tearful words and pleas for prayers for them.  They need to know that our hearts break each day we're not with them and that every delay feels like an eternity to us and that our family is not complete until they are in it.  I think it's good that they see the hurt along with the hope.