Step of Faith

I don't know how much faith I have in this process right now.  OK, I do, and it's close to zero.  However, I do have faith that God has brought us safe this far and will bring us safely home--with our children.  I do have faith that these faces are those of our sons and daughters and that there are big things in store for all of us.

Here's the update:  a LIMIAR representative was able to successfully submit the payment we owed to the US Consulate in Rio de Janeiro today.  It was a solution 2 weeks in the making for us and probably 2 months in the making for the other family who will likely be traveling at the same time as us (to adopt a sibling group of 5).  Whew.  Now all that remains is for the Consulate to send the Acordo letter to CEJA, who must notify the court so that Lino can request a court date for us to receive custody of those beauties up there.  (Aren't the amazingly beautiful!)

Just one major step left before we know when we can take that long-anticipated flight to the south of Brazil.  So, why can't I calm down?  Where's the peace?  I'm walking around feeling like I've just had 8 cups of coffee (and it only takes one to make my heart race, my hands shake and my body twitch).  I want to say, "this could be the week!"  But I honestly think it would be easier to convince myself that this adoption will never take place and we'll be waiting forever than to step out in faith and believe that it really could happen this week.  I'm getting palpitations just thinking about it.  

Will you do it, Lord?  Will you do it now?  What could possibly glorify you more than to do it right now?

I talked a while back about the battle between flesh and spirit.  It's a sticky place to live.  And I'm stuck.  Heart knows everything will turn out OK, head doubts it strongly.  Head wraps around the reality that we are almost there, heart is afraid to believe it and risk being bruised.  Heart trusts God and his timing, head can't imagine what would make then better than now.  Head trusts that our agencies are doing everything they can, heart just wants to buy plane tickets.  Heart only wants to embrace our darling beloveds, head knows we must wait.  Head loves that so many friends desire to encourage us, heart just wants to see it all end begin.  Head/Heart...Heart/Head...See what I mean?  

This much conflict inside of one person is just plain exhausting and the funny thing is that there's nothing I can do about it.  I resolve to let my spirit rest in God's sovereignty, and immediately flip-flop into mental anxiety.  

We serve a Holy God.  That means that He is so completely other that nothing we can do makes it possible for us to wrap our minds around how other He is.  As someone said in an episode of House recently, "It would be easier for penguins to imagine quantum physics."  But we try, and it honestly comforts me to know that "if we knew everything God knew, we would not question His timing."  (Inspiring theological quote from a dear friend and past-elder of our church.)  His reasons might be because He's not through with us, or perhaps He's not through with the children yet, or maybe He's not through with one of the many observers of this long process.  We can't know, but in the meantime, He keeps throwing us morsels of encouragement, like the last bit of this post by our dear friend who is also waiting to adopt her children from Colombia and giving God the glory in the waiting.  

Here's one last thing I know for sure.  In the moment we first embrace our children, none of the anxiety or frustration or disappointment or uncertainty of the last bunch of years will matter.  It will surely disappear.  And guess who gets the glory on that day?

Bending Hearts

I am thankful that God is giving me peace these days. A couple weeks ago we definitely felt the claws of despair gripping us and trying to drag us downward when we know we ought to be focusing upward. Somehow, God gives us moments of peaceful clarity and trust in His plan. It is beyond my understanding.

Our church has been in the process of searching for a new senior pastor since our previous pastor received a call to another church six months ago. James is on the search committee and so we have been praying a lot for God to make His plan for our church very clear to the elders and committee members. My prayer lately has been to lead the church to seek only Him, desire only Him, and bend our hearts to Him. It is so easy in this situation, and in the process of waiting for our children, to focus on PASTOR or CHILDREN so much so that I take my eyes off God. I must bow my heart only to Him and be satisfied within His presence... no matter the outcome of these circumstances.

I always wondered how the Israelites in Exodus could forget God so quickly and so often. It always struck me as almost comical that God could part the seas and provide bread from the heavens and water from rocks and lead them daily through the desert in a pillar of clouds or fire... and the next thing they do is grumble, or complain, or doubt or rebel or seek idols instead of God. Funny, right? How could they be so thick? God even calls them "stiff-necked people" Confession time: I'm that thick. Thicker, maybe. Last Tuesday I sat to write this post feeling amazing peace and confidence. That same night, we heard from Luciana that the Psychologist hadn't finished the report for the judge yet and I lost it. Cried for hours and convinced myself that I'd probably never meet my children. Completely fell off the wagon into doubt and despair. Then this past weekend at the LIMIAR reunion, I started feeling confident in God's plan again. But today, one more time, I succumbed to bitterness of heart and frustration with the waiting... even anger at God for making me wait though I plead with Him daily to take this cup from me. This roller coaster is worse than 40 years in the desert.

So, what is the answer? The answer is that God knows what His children need. He knows the moment it needs to happen and he knows how to sustain me when I am beyond my own strength to stand up. The answer is to be content with just God. The answer is to bend my heart only to Him and to be wholly satisfied in Him alone.

Easier said than done... and easier for this Kim now than it was for the Kim of 3 years ago.

Lord, help me. Be my everything. Quench my thirst and bend my heart to you alone.

Pray for the Judge today!!

OK, friends. Now is the time to PRAY (still). Here is the update that Luciana sent us last night (with my explanations added):

Just to let you know that the person from CEJA (the State Judicial Commission for Adoption--they have approved us and are advocating for us) went to talk with the judge (the one who was on vacation for a month. Her responsibility is to the children and she is the one who decides whether or not to invite us down to Brazil to meet them and adopt them). At first the judge was saying the same thing about being too young and 4 kids (which is what she said the day she left for her long vacation) but the good thing is that she took your letter and process (all our paperwork) and said she would take home to think about it. I see this as positive..... but I don't know.... I will let you know if I hear something.

Call to Prayer

Each time I sit to write in this journal, I think about my audience—my children.  There are probably dozens of people who read this each time I post the latest news on our family blog, and I am thankful for those friends, family members and prayer partners who are walking this road with us, but they are not who I write for.  I have some very specific objectives in mind as I document this journey step by step.  I want this blog to be a way for God to reveal his faithfulness to our family and I have always envisioned my children, years from now, reading over these words and saying, “Look how God answered your prayer!” or “How miraculous that God knew we would be together so long before you did!” or “You loved me for so long before you knew me.”  Those years-from-now children/adolescents/adults are who I speak to each time I write in this journal.

Today needs to be a little different, though we have hope that God will use even this moment for His great Glory in our family.  This post is a call to prayer.  If you are reading this in June of 2009, then we need you to lift your heart and your voice to the Lord on our behalf and on behalf of the family that God has designed for us. 

We learned today that the judge who will decide whether to grant us custody of the 4 children who we know in our hearts are OUR children—on the day before she left for a 4 week vacation—was presented with our case.  She saw our case and the case of the children we long to adopt and decided that this was a big decision and that we were very young to adopt four children and that she would wait until returning from her vacation to make a decision. 

We have decided to write a heart-felt, information-filled letter to this judge and request that CEJA (who is 100% on our side for this adoption) submit it on top of the paperwork that the judge will see when she returns (refreshed) from her vacation.  This latest delay may prove to be God’s provision since this is a beautiful opportunity to add our personal voice and plea to a stack of papers written about us by others close to a year ago and long before we knew the names of Maynara, Abraão Lucas, Luana and Brayan.

Friends and family, please pray that the judge will see our hearts and desire to unite us as a family with our children.  Please pray that any notions she may have about the appropriate age of new adoptive parents will be set aside and that our love for these children and our strength in the Lord will be clear and obvious. 

Dearest Father in Heaven,
You know how we love these children and how we already see them as ours.  Reveal yourself to the judge.  Show her your heart and your plan for our family.  Fill her with mercy and compassion. 

Dearest children of my heart,
Can you see how your Lord has connected us from long before we first held on to each other?  Can you see how He’ll never let you go and how He’ll never let this family dissolve? 

 

Ready to talk

I titled this post several days ago.  Ready to Talk.  I guess I wasn't really.  I'm still not sure if I'm ready to talk, but if we're let God move us on, it's important to document where we've been and what we've learned.

We got our hearts tangled up in thinking about being parents to the two boys we petitioned for.  Maybe too much.  Maybe too soon.  We must have prayed for and about them for a hundred hours in the short time we knew about them, and we know that literally hundreds of loving friends and family members lifted our petition to God as well.  

So why aren't we angry at God for not answering our prayer?  We couldn't have prayed more.  Or more fervently.  Or with more faith.  Why?  Because God answers prayers His way, not ours.  And it's a good thing too.  We know what we want and what we wish for, but we don't know the whole story from beginning to end.  God's plans are perfect and they are meant to bring Him glory... not us.  In fact (after the disappointment wore off), I've felt more peace than I can understand.  If 10,000 prayers were offered asking God to have His way, and the answer is "no," then I am certain that this is what God chose for us.  Waiting a little longer.  And it's hard not to imagine that He will do something amazing in the wake of this disappointing answer to prayer.  We may not know what that is yet, but we are resting securely in knowing that His plans are better than ours and trusting that He will make our family whole.

We are grateful to our friends for all the encouraging words we heard during the last week.  We are blessed even when the answer is no.  

Peace

We needed to get away.  I think we'd been focusing so much on the agony of waiting to hear if the court will grant our petition to adopt the 2 boys that we were stressing ourselves out.  So, we went to spend the weekend with our parents in PA.  Instead of checking my email 87 times a day, I only checked it about half a dozen times all weekend.  And I've felt great peace.  Of course, the court wouldn't have done anything over the weekend anyway, but I think the prayers of so many friends and family members are filling my heart with a calmness that I haven't felt in a few weeks.  

Saturday morning I went to a women's missions breakfast with my mom.  She gave her testimony to the group and we listened to a guest speaker who is involved in prison ministry in Pennsylvania.  Miss Ann is her name and she sat next to me for breakfast before she spoke.  

It seems my parents have their whole church praying for us and our children and our petition, so everyone knew who I was and they all asked for updates.  When Miss Ann got up to begin her talk, she said, "Before I get started, please let me pray for Kim and her husband and the two boys in Brazil that they are hoping to adopt."  She prayed that God would "show off" his power by working mightily to bring these two home to us quickly.  After her talk, she found me and said she wanted to tell me one more thing.  She told me about a volunteer at her ministry who has two daughters and is pregnant with a third child.  This woman and her husband strongly desired to have a boy, so Miss Ann sopped them right there and prayed that God would give them a boy.  She said to me, "And guess what... they're having a boy!"  

She's a passionate woman who has full confidence in her Lord and in the power of His Word and effectiveness of prayer.  She reminded me of how big and how active our God is.  

So, we're still praying, but at least for the moment, we are also resting in God's peace.  

Also, while we were away, we worked on binding the quilts, and so... one is DONE and one is just a couple hours from being done.  Thanks Mom!

Thoughts & Prayers

Hi, this is James writing today--it's my first blog entry on Perfect Provision.  Kim has done such a wonderful job faithfully documenting our adoption journey on the blog these past few years, and she has spoken so eloquently about matters from both her heart and mine.  However, as I'm sure you noticed from her last entry, we've had quite an emotional week!  I just felt like I needed to write and share some of my thoughts also.

• I have had such a hard time focusing at work this past week.  Thinking and praying about the two boys in Brazil has really preoccupied me, and I have felt so distracted from my job.  I generally try to keep a healthy perspective and balance between my "work" life and my "home" life, but this feels like another thing altogether.  It really puts into perspective what matters most.  My passion for architecture and my enjoyment of my job are amazing gifts from God's gracious hand, but they pale in comparison to the heart He has given me for my family, my responsibility as a husband, and my desire to be a father.  God, help me be a strong husband and father.  Draw me closer to you so that I may be the man you have called me to be.
• I told one of my friends this week, a new father himself, that I couldn't imagine how much of a parent's day must go into thinking about their kids!  I don't even know yet if these two wonderful boys in Brazil have been chosen by God to be our sons, but I can't get them off of my mind.  God, you know every thought in my mind and every desire of my heart.  Help me to focus on You constantly so that all my thoughts and desires will be of You, and not of my own selfish desires.
• I "miss" my children.  I know, it sounds crazy, right!  But I can't think of another word to use.  I don't even know who they are yet, but I miss them.  It's the only emotion that comes even close to expressing how my heart has been feeling.  All this time, while knowing God would reveal His will in His perfect timing, I have been missing my children.  And now that I have the names and faces of these two particular boys in my heart, I miss them even more.  Could these be my sons?  Oh Lord, I know your plan will be perfect whether these boys are my sons or not, but oh how my heart longs for them.
• I don't think I have ever prayed for any one thing so much in my life as I have for these two boys this past week.  In general, I have not been the most consistent pray-er in my life, and I haven't always made a point to go daily to the Lord with my prayers.  I heard someone say once, "we sing 'sweet hour of prayer,' but God's lucky if He gets even a few minutes a week."  That has definitely been me most of my life.  But a few weeks ago, Kim and I committed to praying daily for our children "whoever they are" each night before bed.  Shortly after we started our daily prayers, we received the information about these two boys.  I'm not trying to insinuate at all that our particular prayers, as an example of our own selfish works, had anything to do with the fact that shortly afterwards we received information from Brazil, but I am celebrating the fact that He frequently uses trying or difficult  circumstances to draw us closer to Him.  Even in the past few weeks, Kim and I have become more comfortable praying in front of each other and in going to the Lord with our thoughts--we hope and pray that, whether or not these are our sons, we will be able to keep daily prayer in our lives.  Lord, help me be a strong example as a pray-er in my family, for my wife and my children.  I want to have a household where prayer is a daily activity, where praising You and going to You with our joys, praises, fears, and concerns is "normal."
• At the same time I have been praying this week with very particular words at times, it has also been one of those "groans without words" praying weeks too.  Romans 8:26-27 says, "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness.  We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.  And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will."  There have been times when all I could consciously say was, "Lord, you know my heart--please take it all."  Other times, I have silently said the boys' names, held them in my heart, and lifted them to the Lord.  Lord, you know my heart--please take it all.
• It's been hard to know what to pray for this week.  At the same time I want to pray for the Lord's will to be done whether or not these are our sons, I also feel like it is appropriate to petition God from the deepest depths of my heart that I want to be a father to these two boys.  I also know that I need to pray that God is preparing a proper home for them, whether or not it is in His plan for Kim and me to be their parents.  God, not my will but thy will be done.  But if You will it, oh that Kim and I could be parents to these two boys.
• Today before church, I sat down in one of the pews to pray for these boys.  Afterwards, I took one of the pew Bibles out and opened it up.  The first thing my eye went to was Psalm 127:  "Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain.  Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain.  In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat--for he grants sleep to those he loves.  Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from him.  Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one's youth.  Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.  They will not be put to shame when they contend with their enemies in the gate."  God, the desire of my heart is to build a household that loves and fears You.  Your word tells us that children are a gift from your gracious hand.  If it is in your plan that these two boys are our sons, we pray that you bring them to us without delay.
• There are a number of things in the mix that might make it seem like our petition would be denied by the Brazilian courts.  As Kim mentioned, this is namely the fact that other agencies were also provided with the information about these two boys, that the referral may be quite desirable due to the children's age, and the fact that other people have been waiting longer in the system and those petitions might be given preferential treatment.  It is because of all these things that, if the petition is granted, it will be all God's doing.  Of course we know it's all God's doing to begin with!  But He has been so faithful in  sustaining us through this process because we have tried to remain focused on Him.  He's led us to adopt internationally, sustained us through years of "waiting," showed us clearly it was His will that we switch countries--He was in our heart when we decided with that switch to request siblings, and He has challenged us to consider older aged referrals than we initially thought.  All these things were against all odds, even "crazy"!  It is for this reason that we know that, if our petition to adopt these two boys is granted, God has been using all of this waiting, this preparation, this longing in our hearts in order to glorify Himself.  What a joy it would be for us to tell of this miracle!  Lord, we praise you because you are a God who can work against all odds.  We praise you because you are able to use imperfect people and systems and governments and actions to carry our your will.  We know that your hand is in everything that goes on in this world, but when the "impossible" happens, we see your hand at work even more clearly.  Regardless of the outcome of this petition, we have felt you working in our lives these past few years, and we know that you are faithful always.

...do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded.  You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.  (Hebrews 10: 35-36)

*Deep breath* Sigh...

Amen.

Requesting Prayer

I know it's been over a week since I wrote, and that usually means nothing is going on in the adoption process.  This time, it means that SO MUCH has been going on that we've really been unable to post--so much time spent talking, processing, praying and hoping.  

Last Friday we got a referral.  We got information about two boys (7 years old and 3 years old) whom we are both very interested in adopting.  On Tuesday, we submitted a petition to the court of minors in the state of Parana, but it turns out that we're not yet sure whether it's the big news we've been waiting for.  The referral was not sent just to us.  It was sent by CEJA to several different agencies (probably).  That means that there could be several different families reviewing the same information we reviewed and submitting petitions just as we did.  In all likelihood, most other families have had their paperwork waiting in Brazil longer than us, and would therefore receive preference over us.  We are told by LIMIAR that we should know in a couple weeks whether the court grants our petition or not.  

First things first:  if you're reading this, PRAY!  Please pray our documents to find favor in the eyes of the courts so that these two little boys might be our sons.  Pray for whoever is reading and approving our dossier and our petition that they will see Jesus on every page and between every line and just know that they need to place these boys with our family.  Pray that God will be glorified through this step of the process and that the boys will be placed very soon in the home that God has chosen for them.

Second things second.  I may be stating the obvious here, but we're a wreck.  Though we're trying our hardest to guard our hearts to keep them from being broken, we are already falling in love with these two sweethearts.  There is so much about them and their story that makes us feel like we could and should be their parents.  Though we've reviewed a few other kids' files (see this post that I wrote back then but didn't post until now), and had our hearts broken by what we've read, this is the only time that we've both been smitten and felt strongly about wanting to adopt them.  We are hoping that this tug on our hearts for these two boys is God's voice revealing to us who our children are.  We are distracted all the time and praying harder than we've ever prayed before.  

We submit to His will for our family--and we hope it's these boys.

Laying down my control

James is powering through his ARE exams toward becoming a licensed architect.  Today he took the 6th of 7 tests, and he wasn't quite done by the time I was ready to leave work.  It was a warming day after a big snow on Monday, and it seemed like a good day for a walk.

Turns out I needed the 45 minutes alone for some thinking and praying.  God revealed some ugly truths about my heart, and I spent the whole time home trying to find a way to lay them down at His feet.  This was a real battle between flesh and spirit.  See, my mind knows all of this is ridiculous, but here is what my heart has been saying:

• If I pray fervently enough...
• If I pray enough times...
• If I behave patiently...
• If I tell God my longings...

Then I'll free God up to finally reveal who our children are.  

Now, I'm sure that praying fervently and frequently, having patience and opening your heart to God are never  bad things, but what my heart was trying to do was control God's hand.  If I do... then a referral will come.  If I do... then I will have peace.  I, I, I.  I actually felt like my actions were what would cause God to move.  

Even as I heard myself confessing that my heart believed itself to be in control of God, I struggled with not even knowing how to lay that down.  I desperately want to be rid of this false idea that God acts because of what I do--but how can I tell my heart to stop leading me this way?   Can you hear it?  Even in that statement... I'm trying to control it.  I CAN'T get my heart to behave another way.  He has to do that work in me.

So, I decided that in faith, I would tell the Lord that I wanted to be rid of this manipulative attitude and that I wanted Him to be in control (at the same time hearing my heart say, "that should do it, tell Him He's in control... that'll get you what you want).  I'm not sure if I've ever felt so conflicted in my own self and I was acutely aware that one half of the conversation was sin talking, and the other half was the Lord.  So, I told Him I wanted to lay it down, and that I didn't know how, and that my flesh was still holding on tightly... but that I really wanted Him to take it from me.  

That was all I knew how to do.  After all, His grace is greater than my sin and He is more powerful than my sin-sick heart.   

Beautiful diversity ...or... Amazed by Grace

  

Since just before Christmas, 2008, we have been reaching out to our friends and family members from near and far and asking them to pray for our family and for our far-off children.  We have been asking our friends and family to send us a little symbol of the love and prayers they have offered the Lord on our behalf.  Nearly every day since then, we have received little envelopes, bags, packages, folders with little squares of material and messages of love and support.  These we have carefully cataloged, stored, and thanked the Lord for.  

This little project has done our hearts a world of good.  Keeping our hands busy helps to keep our hearts from breaking with the knowledge that our beloved ones are far from us.  The time spent working on the project is also time spent in prayer for our future family and our children where they now live.  Knowing that we are building something tangible that will someday soon wrap around the bodies of our dear ones makes it feel like we are mothering and fathering them already.  The diversity of the patches brings us joy as we think about the diversity in our future family.  Working on this quilt together and with our houseguest, SuJeong has given us time to enjoy the moments we are given together and be thankful for the life we have even before our children are in it.  Most of all, touching and feeling the symbols of so much prayer on our behalf is a humbling experience.  What sustains us?  God's own hand and nothing else.  What will bring us together as a family?  The power of God and his Will for us.  

There is more to come.  (In fact, 8 new squares came while we were taking these pictures.)

Distracted / Soon

I just wanted to confess here on this page that I'm distracted.  Those who know me best would say that "distracted" is not too far off of my normal pattern of behaviors, but even aside from my normal scattered personality, I'm a different kind of distracted.  I'm distracted from my normal, everyday activities by the thought that my children are somewhere other than here with me and that I am doing useless activities that do not involve mothering.  

Usually, I keep this journal pretty upbeat, hopeful and positive, but lately (the last few weeks) I've had trouble thinking about anything other than my darling children--whoever they are.  I know that we are closer than we've ever been to knowing our children and falling in love with them--and I'm thankful for that.  But there seems to be a magnetic pull that comes along with getting closer to that day.  It pulls my mind and my heart in that one direction all the time.  

Could this have something to do with another birthday approaching?  Another year gone by full of questions and short on answers?  2 years, 7 months going by since submitting our first dossier?  Something about a "biological clock" telling me it's time to mother?  Emotions going haywire because of the possibility (POSSIBILITY) that this long wait could soon be over?  Oh, I don't know.  

I talked on the phone with a dear woman from our church the other day.  She is one of those prayer warriors who, I swear, has a direct line to God.  (Let's not get into theology here... I know about the priesthood of all believers.)  She is a woman who is continually on her knees and faithful to lift her heart and her cares to the Lord.  She asked me how she could pray for us.  She told me in sweet lullaby tones that I could ask her to pray for anything, and that she would lift it to the Lord.  Sweet saint.  I told her that I wanted her to pray that it would be SOON that we would meet our children.  Wise sister.  She told me that surely the Lord had purposes and that He was using this time to prepare us in every way that He needed us to be prepared.  Darling friend.  I told her that I was thankful that God has allowed us this time to grow in Him and to learn and be prepared.  I told her that I was thankful that God has allowed us to be conscious of the blessing of this time and grateful for every minute of it--really!  I asked her to pray that it would be SOON.  She reminded me that the Lord's timing is perfect.  Yes.  It is.  I trust that with all my heart.  And I asked her to pray that it would be very soon.  

Soon for my heart's sake, yes.  But soon for my children who have spent today without the love of a mother and father and will go to sleep tonight in a temporary home.  Pray that it will be soon.

God's at work

"A child, when born, brings the message that God has not yet lost hope in human beings." 

I found this quote on a CEJA website and thought it was beautiful.  Each child born into this world, whether to parents who can or cannot take care of him forever, has special meaning to God.  Our children's lives will not begin the moment we meet them.  They once belonged to someone else and they have a life story that (until now) has gone on without us as a part of it.  We are not redeeming or rescuing or creating children by adopting them.  We are merely holding on to something God created to love and be loved.  

I think that once our adoption is completed (and maybe for a long time after) we will be finding out the many unseen ways that God worked to bring our family together.  Yesterday, as our papers were being submitted to CEJA for the first time, another AWAA family was flying home to the US with their 3 children (girl, boy, girl).  They are the second family from our agency to complete a Brazilian adoption and, though we don't know them personally, have walked along the same path as us.  

We are praying a lot these days, feeling the progress and the first day of our life as a family drawing nearer than it has ever been.  I pray for the papers and the workers who hold them in their hands.  I pray those workers would be diligent and motivated by the faces of the children they place.  I pray that we will find favor in their eyes and that they will see the Lord between every line of our dossier.  I pray that it will be soon, very soon, that God unites us with our children--for their sake and for the sake of our aching, longing hearts.  I pray that, somehow, God will breeze us through the final hurdles while keeping our hearts still before Him, trusting Him only and opening our hearts to learn from His word while he prepares us to be the right parents for the children he's chosen for us.

Continuation

Got a letter in the mail today from USCIS.

Nope.  It's not the one we've been waiting for.  It's a paper copy of the email we got last Saturday requesting more information.  Bummer.  But not really, because in the time it took a letter to get here from Missouri, we got the whole thing taken care of.  I received a notarized hard copy of the addendum in the mail yesterday, so it shouldn't be too much longer before it arrives in MO.  I called to check up today and got our case worker Tia (not Anita any more) just before she stepped out for the day.  She recognized my name and told me that we should be all set to be approved by the time the addendum arrives--unless there's "a little something" that she needs changed by the social worker.  

Anyway, the point of this post is to document an answered prayer.  I pray frequently something that my dear friend Michelle has prayed for us:  that we will find favor with the people on whose desk our papers land and that those workers would be fresh and positive and eager to process cases quickly.  

Tia told me today that she wants to be efficient so that she can get us approved as quickly as possible and that "this work is really fulfilling."  I told her that that has always been our prayer for those who work on behalf of our family.  It may seem very small, but it is as clear as could be that this is an answer to prayer.  If God will answer this very specific prayer so readily, then how many other prayers are being answered outside of our field of view?  Surely He is faithful to protect our children, provide them with loving caretakers, use those caretakers to whisper words of Truth from God's Word to them, ensure them that they have a family waiting for them, and prepare them for a new life with us.

Praise God for the millions of ways He is at work, and for the small glimpses of His Faithfulness that He gives us when we need them!

Praying for our Children II

Maybe I shouldn't need so many gimmicks to remind me to pray for my children, but here's another one I ran across.  I think it helps to have a specific focus for the day.  Hopefully it will keep me from praying selfish little prayers like, "When, Lord?"  

Monday = Mate
Tuesday = Talents
Wednesday=  Wisdom
Thursday = Trust
Friday = Faith
Saturday = Salvation 
Sunday = Sanctification

Praying for our Children

Since I started blogging, I've become quite an avid blog-reader.  I have 45 blogs on my Google blog reader and I check up on them every day.  Some are friends near and far, some are businesses or entertainment blogs, some are bloggers with similar interests, and many are adoption stories.  My darling husband noticed my habit getting a little too consuming and issued me a challenge to put God first by not allowing myself to spend time in my blogs until I've spent time in the Word.  (A wise, wise man is my husband.)  I decided to take him up on it, and I've got to say that it's been just the right combination of motivation, habit and scheduling.  

Well, in the midst of this new shift of priorities, I read Bring The Rain and discovered another great way to nurture the habit of focusing my life on Christ.  They're calling it 7x7 Prayers.  

Since I don't know when my children are waking, dressing, eating, coming and going, bathing, going to bed and sleeping, we've decided to pray these scripture-based prayers for our kiddos as we are doing each of the daily tasks around which they are centered.  Starting today.

1.  When they wake up: "Let the morning bring (child's name) word of your unfailing love, for she has put her trust in You.  Show (her/him) the way (she/he) should go, for to you (he/she) lifts up her soul." (Adapted from Psalm 143:8)

2. When they are getting dressed: "Therefore, as God's chosen child, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourself with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  Lord, help (him/her) bear with others and forgive whatever grievances (he/she) has against others.  Help (him/her) forgive as the Lord forgave (him/her).  And over all these virtues, help (him/her) put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity." (Adapted from Colossians 3:12-14)

3. While they are eating: "Teach (child's name) the secret of being content in any and every situation whether well-fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  Teach (him/her) that (he/she) can do everything through him who gives (him/her) strength." (Adapted from Philippians 4:12-13)

4.  When they go out of the house: "(Name of child), do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is-His good, pleasing and perfect will." (Adapted from Romans 12:2)

5.  While they are taking a bath: Lord, give (name of child)  clean hands and a pure heart, and let (him/her) not lift (his/her) soul to an idol or swear by what is false. Let (him/her) receive blessing from the Lord and vindication from God (his/her) Savior.  Let (him/her) be part of the generation of those who seek him, who seek your face, O God of Jacob. (Adapted from Psalm 24:4-6)

6.  When they are going to bed:  "The Lord Your God is with you; he is mighty to save.  He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, be will rejoice over you with singing." (Zephaniah 3:17)

7.  While they are sleeping:  "I pray that (name of child) will do everything without complaining or arguing, so that he/she may become blameless and pure, a child of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which he/sheshines like a star in the universe as he/she holds out the word of life-in order that he/she may boast on the day of Christ that he/she did not run or labor for nothing." (Adapted from Philippians 2:14-16)

It's Official--Update

The rest of our documents arrived Legalized from the Consulate in NYC.  In order to see if our translator has time to get started on our documents right away, I need to scan them and send them to AWAA.  The super-smart copier at church made short work of scanning all 49 pages off our dossier that will make a few more inbox stops before it lands at the translator's desk.  We're hoping her schedule is free enough to get a jump on translating our mountain of documents.

In that same sprit of translation, I shall attempt to translate the Consulate's Legalization statement which is affixed to each and every one of our documents! 

Armed with three and a half units of Rosetta Stone completed, I think this is what it says:

Recognized as true, by appearance, the signature, on this document, of Susan Bysiewicz, Secretary of the State of Connecticut, United States of America.  And,  wah, wah, wah, I sign and fix this Consulate's seal.  It is legalized by the signature of the consular authority, according to article 2 of Decree number 84,451, of January 31, 1980.  The legalization of this document does not imply the acceptance or approval of its contents.

And armed with 2 years of hands-on learning in the field of international adoption lingo and processes, this is what I think it means:

By the power vested in me, I declare that this document is officially usable in Brazilian courts and I agree that all its previous seals are legit.  Brazilian judges will decide what to do with it once it lands on their desk.

Now we must continue to pray that God will follow these documents with His mighty hands and speak to the hearts of those who process them.  We must pray for favor in the eyes of the US and Brazilian governments.  And I continue to pray for miraculous swiftness in all the transactions that remain so that our children will arrive in our arms at exactly the right moment (which, if you ask me, would be sometime around Christmas this year).  God is Mighty!

It's Official

The first of our documents returned to us legalized by the Brazilian Consulate.  That means that this document is fully ready to be translated then reviewed by the appropriate Brazilian authorities. 

It is written on official Consulado-Geral letterhead:

It has 2 official Consular Seals and an official stamp:

It is signed by the official Consul-Geral Adjunto:  

And it has an official gold seal with raised letters and symbols:

And we are officially happy!  My favorite part of the packet, though, is the part that is least official.  A hand written note from the Legalization Department that has reminded me that God is answering our prayers and placing our paperwork on the desk of men and women who have compassion toward us and our children.

Reckless Faith

I don't know how the sound of the words Reckless Faith sound to you.  Scary, unclear, heretical, thrilling?  I just got through reading this book by Beth Guckenberger and must say that it has struck a concert's worth of cords in in me.  

Beth Guckenberger uses the term Reckless Faith to refer to the kind of faith in the Living God that causes people to step out on a limb, or back up against a wall, or head toward the unknown because of the trust they have in the Lord and His plan for their lives.  

Another author, John McArthur (whom I haven't read yet) uses the same term to refer to the problem of Christians abandoning Scriptural doctrine in favor of feel-good faith experiences.  That is not what I am talking about.  I am talking about Beth's Reckless Faith that clears the way for Christ to show up and work out his sovereign plan in situations where (without taking the risk of trusting the unseen) I might have gotten in the way of God's plan.

I think I have that kind of faith in my mind.  Yeah, maybe it's even in my heart, but I'm not sure how often it actually informs my actions.  Intentions are easy, but actions are a different story sometimes.  I can easily say that we feel called to live abroad as servants to God's people in South America (or somewhere).  I can just as easily say that, "now is not the time."  After the kids come home, after the grant that pays my salary runs out, after the building is built.  I'm afraid we'll get stuck waiting for the right moment... and miss it.  We don't want to, but what if we're not focused in enough to hear His voice?

We had a great time eating lunch at church on Sunday with some new friends.  Justin, who works with James has been a great encouragement to him because of his faith in Christ and a similar call to do more for Christ through architecture.  Neither architecture nor education, nor any other noble calling can solve the problem of sin in the world.  We can minister to the broken from wherever God calls us to be, but only He can heal us and make us whole.  

Justin's friend Dave works with ChildReach Ministries and is designing and building an orphanage in Peru now that he's done with Architecture school.  We were so encouraged by these two Christians with Reckless Faith.  

Where will God take us next?  What will we discover in Brazil with our children?  We are so sure that he has big plans for our family and bringing home our children and beginning to grow together as a family are only the beginning.  It's seemed like an end for so long, but it truly will be a new beginning for all 4 of us.  

Smooth sailing

How's this for a co-incidence?  As I was waiting for James to meet me to drive up to Hartford for our fingerprint appointments, Ryan, our family coordinator from AWAA called to ask how the process was going and make sure we'd been assigned an appointment for fingerprinting.  He gave us a few bits of new news that translate directly into prayer requests.

• Since the CIS is still getting used to processing the new I-800 forms, about half of all adopting families in the US are being asked to have their social worker update parts of their homestudy.  We're praying that we find favor with those who review our case so that we receive approval smoothly and swiftly.
• We've learned that the translation of our dossier will take place in the US, not Brazil as we had assumed.  The woman who will translate all of our documents (wholelifeonpaper) has been working with Limiar for a long time, and we're told she's "very fast."  In fact, there's a possibility that, depending on her schedule, she may be able to get started on our documents before we're 100% done gathering them.  If that works out, she would be able to start in on what we have already and then finish up quickly once we have our USCIS approval ready to send her.  We're praying that will work out smoothly too.

The fingerprinting experience couldn't have been more smooth today.  We arrived 20 minutes early for our 2pm and 3pm appointments and found the waiting room completely empty.  We filled out some forms and were processed immediately.  As we started the car to go back home and looked at the clock--1:59 and we were on our way!  

We've said it to everyone we know and we've prayed the same words 100 times--the desire of our hearts is to have our children home with us soon.  We long to embrace our children and our new life as a family.  We want for them to be safe and sound at home with their mom and dad.  Knowing God is in control makes me feel safe praying for miracles like kids at Christmas realizing that only He can take care of such a request.  It's safe because it's honest and it's from my heart and I trust that whether the answer is "yes" or "no" for my Christmas miracle request, our family is safe in His hands.  

Pray for El Salvador

Some of our friends from AWAA's El Salvador program are preparing to take a trip down to El Salvador with the CEO of the agency.  They leave tomorrow and are hoping to lobby for adoption while there.  There are so many families and children stuck in the tangles of red tape down there and all they want is to be united as families.  Seems very little progress has occurred even still.  The first families in this program have been waiting for well over 2 years and have still not seen any Salvadoran children come home.  We're praying that God will work miraculously on their behalf and for His glory this weekend.  

Isn't it good to know we serve a God who can take care our individual needs so well?  We can trust Him to care for our Brazilian children at the same time as he is working in the lives of the Salvadoran children, the Indian children, the Chinese children, the Rwandan children, the Ethiopian children and the Kazakh children with 100% of his love--all at the same time.  

I have a dear friend who is gifted with the ability to bear the burdens of many others with great love and prayer.  She feels their broken hearts and desperately wants God's best for them.  It's crushing sometimes, the weight of the cares of the world.  But not for our Lord.  He bears all of it--bore it on the cross and bears it today.  I may know a dozen broken hearted, but God knows them all individually and cares just as much for one as for each of the others.  His love has no limits.  That's far more love than I can muster, and I stand in awe of the boundless grace that is free for every broken-hearted soul on the planet.  

Thanks be to God for His indescribable gift!