Symbols

Thinking back on the years of our marriage that were marked by the adoption process, it's clear to me that it was a very symbolic journey.  Every milestone or accomplishment or step toward our children was celebrated, shared, documented.  Applying to our adoption agency symbolized our decision to become parents.  Completing and submitting our homestudy and other dossier documents marked the beginning of our "pregnancy."  The hurdles, twists, turns, and delays tested our faith and our resolve and we knew that each painful test would be replaced by joy in God's time.  And it has.  Receiving our children's referral was the beginning of the labor and delivery process, and meeting our children for the first time on November 4, 2009 was for us the fulfillment of God's promise to us and to our children.  

Adopting itself is full of symbolism for Christians--the story of an adopted orphan is perfectly parallel to the story of all who come to Christ.  We were lost without hope or home.  Trapped in our own miserable sin.  And though we had no idea it was coming, and surely did nothing to earn such a gift, God went to great lengths to make us His own.  

But the story doesn't end there--not for adoption and not for Christians.  

I think it's safe to say that we're in a new stage of life and adoption right now, 8 months after first meeting our children.  So much of our focus (for the past 4 years or so) has been on the reality an the symbolism behind adopting.  For us the process of adopting our children officially ended on December 4 when the adoption was finalized.  But adoption (for orphans and for Christians) does not end at finalization.  This is what we're constantly reminded of these days.  

If there was an "adjustment period," we're well beyond it and we're without a doubt in the thick of being parents and raising a family.  That's what Christian theology calls "the process of sanctification."  It isn't easy.  It isn't always pretty.  It isn't always a steady, upward curve, but it is a process for sure.  The thing about sanctification (and family-rearing, as it turns out) is that in order to become more holy, you must first see, understand, learn to loathe, and carefully remove all the ugliness, imperfection and ungodliness that is within you.  Ouch.  It's an all-consuming process that has left us with little energy to do anything but manage day-to-day while investing fully in our children.  That's a catch 22 because right when we are in the thickest part of this process of living adoption (not just adopting), we are basically incapable of reaching out for the kind of support we need most--friendship and conversation.  You know, with real, live grown-ups.

I find myself imagining that it must be the same for biological parents once the newborn haze wears off and the church friends stop bringing meals every other day and having a baby isn't new news more.  Then what?  You've got an infant, so you can't just pick up and go to small group or out to coffee with your closest, most encouraging friends, or even dilly dally after church to catch up with people.  The baby has to eat.  And be changed.  And stay on a regular schedule.  And so the parents must do what is right for the child.  And so it is with our family.  Except that everyone's too big to tote along everywhere in a little carrier, and sometimes they just need mom and dad 100%, and sometimes their energy level is off the charts and they are off the wall,  and sometimes they have hissy fits that would not be at ALL fit for public viewing, and mom and dad end up kind of isolated.

Right there is the difference between adopting and adoption.  Adoption continues to be a reality after the pleasant metaphor of adopting becomes a memory.  And nothing will change the fact that someone has been adopted into your family.  That's the really good news, right?  Once we're adopted, we stay adopted through thick and thin, no matter what.  It's a family... and it sharpens us and improves us and adds more (much-needed) grace into our lives.

I'm including one great snapshot in this post because it is also symbolic.  We removed the training wheels from Brayan's bike last week.  Here is a picture of the first moment when he got it--wobbly and unsure, but moving fairly steadily ahead and getting back up (sometimes in tears) when things didn't go the way he'd planned; and then continuing forward knowing he's loved and supported.    

One Silly Boy

If ever life starts to feel kind of heavy, we just need to take a minute to soak up the joy that oozes out of our dear Brayan.  He is SO silly!  

Little ones praising the Holy One

Our children love Jesus.  They don't love Him because we told them to or because they feel like they have to.  They love Him because He is amazing!  The other day, on the way home from school, Brayan announced that he was going to make something special for God.  He decided he would make Him something to eat:  pasta with lots of cheese and lots of salt and LOTS of chocolate and some fried eggs and salad.  (All Brayan's favorites.)  He went on and on about the meal he was planning to make for God.  Just to find out what was in his mind, I asked why he had decided to make all these delicious things for God.  He immediately said that it was because He died on the cross for our fault to cleanse us.  (Porque ele morriu na cruz por causa de nossa culpa para nos-limpar, were his exact words as best I can remember them.)

Today Brayan composed a song for Jesus.

Voce e meu Deus, Voce e meu Deus
Muito corajoso, muito feliz, muito poderoso
Muito queridinho
Voce cuida de me.

You are my God, You are my God
So brave, So powerful
So very beloved
You care for me.

The more he sang it (after the video camera came out), the sillier he got, but he kept singing it all afternoon even after the camera was put away and he was putting on his snowpants to play outside.

Here is a boy who loves Jesus.  He offers the best of his imagination for his brave and powerful Lord.

Brayan Noé

Today was the first day we didn't take any pictures (gasp!), so we thought we'd start a series profiling each of our amazing children. We begin with Brayan Noé.

BIO:
Brayan turned 4 years old on August 8 this year. He is articulate, precise, strong-willed, creative, charming and oh-so-adorable! Brayan and his siblings like his new middle name, because Noé (Noah) was a friend of God in the Bible.

LIKES:

• Colo, which means both "neck" and "lap" in Portuguese, and translates as "pick me up." He loves to snuggle.
• Singing
• Dancing (especially in the shower. If it were proper to post a video of this hysterical event, we'd do it, but you'll just have to take our word for it.)
• Jumping (on Mamae or Papai, in the pool, off of rocks, down the stairs).
• Swimming (see video below to see his competitive swimming technique).
• Chewing "found" gum and drinking from discarded juice boxes. Not to mention eating popcorn from the theater floor.
• Cleaning things. He uses any broom or mop he can get his hands on and wipes up the water from the bathroom floor while we're washing clothes in the sinks.
• Tidying, arranging and organizing. He scatters cards all over the floor and then sorts them by color and puts them in neat piles. (Yet, he eats garbage. Go figure.)
• Choosing his own clothes (or at least thinking that he chose them himself)
• Watermelon, but not the seeds.
• Ice cream, cake, candies and everything sweet (maybe that's why he IS so sweet).
• Tic-Tacs (Extra-Forte is his favorite)
• Puzzles
• Hats (anything can become a hat at any moment)
• Coloring books. He colors each picture with one color. Usually blue or orange.
• Blocks and building toys.
• Xuxa and all of her songs, which he has memorized.
• Climbing on Papai and swinging upside down.
• Being tickled.
• Giving hugs kisses.
• Sleeping with his stuffed Lion and Elephant

DISLIKES:

• Bugs of all sorts
• Having sticky hands (except while eating and making mealtime a full-body experience.)
• Spilling food on his pants.
• Dropping his napkin, fork or bread on the floor.
• The deep end of the pool (thank goodness).
• Being in time-out. He pouts his lips and rolls his little eyes back and scrunches his eyebrows while pretending not to listen. Too precious.
• Hot showers

GREATEST HITS:

• Our first day as a family, we were surprised that they all liked to pile in the shower together. There was a moth on the shower wall that day, and Lucas poured water on it to wash it down the drain. He then stuck it to Brayan's wet belly. Brayan screamed like a girl and cried for a good long time. Mom and Dad, however, could not stop laughing. We're glad everyone's learned to shower one at a time now.
• Brayan's laugh is enough to bring a smile to any Scrooge's face. And when he says "boa noite" (good night) it is so sweet it melts our hearts every time.
• Brayan is a runner. He is an independent thinker and loves to run ahead of the group (or AWAY from his parents). Today he ran out of the men's room at the mall while Papai was otherwise occupied and unable to chase him down. We play "red light, green light" often to teach him to "stop" and "come back" on command. He's great at the game, but hasn't transferred the skill to real life very well.He is preciously articulate and likes to tell what he's thinking and narrate what's going on around him.
• Tonight he said (in Portuguese): "I dropped my bread on the floor next to my fork. It was Luana's but I took a bite out of it and now it's on the floor!"
• Probably because all of his caretakers have been females, Brayan is deftly able to wrap his head in a towel the way long-haired women often do after washing their hair. Any towel, scarf, pair of pajama pants or beach sarong can instantly become a fancy hair-do. He often marches around announcing that he is Rapunzel (pronounced ha-poon-ZEOU, in Portugese)! He also likes to stand on a chair in front of the bathroom mirror to admire his hair-do.
• After looking back at the videos from our first meeting, we realized that Brayan was the first one to short "PAPAI! MAMAE!" from behind the closed gate and the first to run toward James to give a big hug.
• Probably because he is so sweet, Brayan ends up getting a lot of candy from strangers (I know, good parents don't let kids take candy from strangers). A few weeks ago he got a free lollypop from a store clerk, and just the other day on a bus ride back from the Centro, he got free ice cream from a teenager selling to raise money when he asked "what's in that box" (her cooler), a bite of a woman's empanada when he asked "what's that you're eating?" and a square of chocolate from a girl sitting behind us when he asked "can I have some?" Sometimes this causes a problem because the other kids see that he has something they don't, which can go downhill fast, so we usually try to refuse all these well-meaning strangers.

Luana and Brayan as the Bruxa Malvada

"Evil witches" were never so cute!

Brayan wishes you a Medgie Beedah

Present for Brayan

We've spent a considerable amount of time planning special, meaningful gifts for each of our children.  We wanted to be sure that we gave them something during our first days together that would be a tangible reminder of who we are as a family.  We are hoping this brave but super-cuddly lion stays with Brayan for years to come, and reminds him as he hugs its fuzzy little neck that it's OK to feel scared or lonely sometimes... and that Mom and Dad will always be there to comfort him and give him the courage he needs to keep on growing--no matter what.  

Here's the sweet lion posing with some USCIS approval envelopes!

Anticipation

Dear Maynara, Abraão Lucas, Luana, and Brayan,

I can hardly think about anything else but you lately, my loves! As it is now only a matter of weeks until we will be able to fly down and meet you, I find myself anticipating the union of our family more and more each day. It’s funny to think back almost six months to March when we first found out about you, and to think about all the many things that had to work to make us a family. Even when it was tough for us to wait for an answer from the judge, and even when I feared that the judge might say “no,” I tried to stay focused on you all, my loves, and tried trust in the knowledge that God would make sure we would be brought together as a family if He had planned it. And, boy, am I so happy that He did!

Even as I’m writing this letter to you, you probably don’t know anything about us yet, although we were told that you have been talking about families and are excited about the possibility of a family. I know when the time is right, Lino will come talk with you and he will be able to finally give you the gifts we prepared a few weeks ago for you: the photo books, the little stuffed elephants, and the shirts. (Can those silly little gifts really show you how much we love you!?) I daydream about that moment sometimes, wondering what each of you will think when you open the book for the first time to see the photos of us, your Mom and Dad. Or the pictures of your house here in Connecticut. Or the snapshots of Oscar, who I’m sure will be so happy to have you to play with when you get home!

But don’t worry, I’m trying not to romanticize that moment too much in my mind! In reality, I know you might be scared, too. I'm sure I would be a little scared if I were in your shoes! But I want you to know that it’s OK to be scared and excited at the same time. There are a lot of exciting things and a lot of new and unknown things just around the corner for all of us. The bottom line is that we’re going to be a family, and we’ll get through it all, fun times and tough times, together--no matter what.

A few nights ago I was looking at your photos as I lay in bed before falling asleep. Your Mom came in to bed after me and asked what I was doing. I told her “I’m just looking at the photos of our beautiful children.” She smiled and answered, “won’t it be nice to be able to peek in on them sleeping in their own beds once we're all home.”

Yes. Yes, it really will be.

Love,
Papai

Hearts a-pounding

We sure weren't expecting this!

But right after dinner, I found these beautiful photographs waiting for me in my inbox. Honestly, I've never seen more beautiful children. They've grown so much since 5 months ago when we first saw their pictures.

We're told that their "social mother said they are very curious and anxious about something to happen," but they haven't been told about their parents yet. The time must be just right so that we know we won't impose a stressful wait on them. That is a burden we must bear for them as their parents.

Soon, darlings, we're coming soon.

For the Record

Kim and I have been through many emotional and spiritual ups and downs over the past 4 months as we waited for an answer from the judge in Brazil regarding our petition to adopt Maynara, Abraão Lucas, Luana, and Brayan, and last night we received an answer to much prayer. For the record, I wanted to write about our experience last night as we learned that the judge said "yes" and granted our petition! Though we still have some "waiting" and paperwork to do before traveling to Brazil to meet our beautiful sons and daughters, we are in the "when" and not "if" stage. And, man, does it ever feel good!

Keep in mind as I tell this story that we have hardly been away from our e-mail for any significant length of time in the past four months. I have my e-mail open at work at all times and Kim has an iPod touch with wireless, which makes a little "ding" any time she receives and e-mail, so she has been checking constantly at home during the summer. Except for some odd times here and there, we probably haven't been away from our e-mail for more than 30 minutes at a time unless we were sleeping, sitting in church, or driving to Pennsylvania to see our parents. We have especially been following our e-mail pretty closely over the past few weeks, as we have had a couple of requests from the judge for more information, which wetired to turn around as quickly as possible each time. (All the while wondering how anyone ever got through this process without e-mail!)

Last night, however, I got home late, around 6:40, from work, and Kim had dinner prepared so we could eat before our friends came for Bible study at our house at 7:30 as they always do on Tuesdays. We sat on the porch enjoying our dinner, leaving our e-mail unattended for some time. We finished dinner, took the dishes to the kitchen and were going to take one more quick look at e-mail before people arrived when we saw something new in Kim's inbox:

Tuesday, August 11, 2009 6:44:52 PM

Re: no news yet [a leftover subject from previous correspondence]

Please call me on my cell right now

Lu

How could we have missed this e-mail by almost 45 minutes!? Not knowing what to expect, hoping for the best, dreading the worst, and hearts pitter-pattering, Kim grabbed her cell phone, put it on speaker, and called Luciana. Luciana answered, apologized for the background noise as her husband's family was visiting, and proceeded to talk to us about our petition.

I swear Luciana must have been watching too much American Idol or other reality TV shows, because the way she started out didn't sound good. Our hearts started to sink. In what must have been 10 seconds, but felt like 10 minutes, she said, "Now we've known all along that this has been in God's hands, and that He always knows what's best for each family. And you should keep this in mind as I tell you that..." That WHAT, Luciana, that WHAT! "...that they're yours!" Ours! We can call them "our" kids! Not just "the" kids! "And now we wait some more," she added. But that didn't matter. We were ecstatic, smiling from ear to ear, not even knowing what to say!

About that time, I saw a car pull up in front of our house. Our friends James and Mina were walking up to the house for Bible study. I ran to the front door, opened it and said, "we're on the phone with our adoption agency! The judge said yes! You're the first to know!" Kim talked with Luciana for another minute or so while Mina jumped up and down and James and Mina hugged and congratulated me.

After Kim hung up with Luciana, she called her family on her cell phone while I ran upstairs to call my family on my cell phone. Kim's parents were at a baseball game with 50 people from their church. Her Dad answered the phone, Kim told him the news, and he yelled, "She said yeeessssssss!" To which the whole of left field started shouting and celebrating. Those church folk of theirs have been praying along with Kim's parents for this for a long time.

I called my parents and my Mom answered. They are visiting family in Alabama and were on their way to have dinner with my Aunt and Uncle and their family. I told my Mom right away, she started crying, and told my Dad to pull over! We celebrated together with tears and smiles over many miles. She told me she has been carrying their picture everywhere and showing it to everyone.

I also updated my status on Facebook while I was upstairs on the phone. (Which explains the phone calls that we got during Bible study! Oops!) We got through Bible study nonetheless, prayed for the concerns of the group--and of course this great news!--and then proceeded to call our friends and family after everyone had left our house for the evening.

Whew. What an adventure. For many months I have been praying that the God would open the judge's heart to our petition and that she would see a family when she reviewed all of our paperwork, and not just a big stack of paper to deal with. It took about 4 months--far longer than we or our agency ever expected--but, with God's help, she finally did see a family! All the while, however, the petition has been in God's hands and His timing. We may not ever know why it took so long, but we trust in God's infinite wisdom that this was time well-used for His purposes and His kingdom.

Praise the Lord, for He is faithful!

Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from him.

(Psalm 127:3)

Praise the Lord for Maynara!

Praise the Lord for Abraão Lucas!

Praise the Lord for Luana!

Praise the Lord for Brayan!

She said YES!!

The judge finally said YES to our petition to adopt our four children. We can finally call them ours!!!

And, because of this great news, we can finally introduce to you our two sons and two daughters:

Maynara (10), Abraão Lucas (7), Luana (5) and Brayan (4)

Praise God!!!

Psalm 105

¹ Give thanks to the LORD, call on his name;
make known among the nations what he has done.

² Sing to him, sing praise to him;

tell of all his wonderful acts.

³ Glory in his holy name;
let the hearts of those who seek the LORD rejoice.

⁴ Look to the LORD and his strength;
seek his face always.

Brayan's Birthday

It was about four months ago that we first learned about the four children we are still hoping will be our sons and daughters. Not a lot has changed in that time, but our love for each of the for future Fulltons has grown as we've prepared our hearts and home for them. We are still awaiting their judge's approval of our petition. It's hard to be apart from them while we wait with hearts full of maybes.

Today is Brayan's 4th birthday. There are clothes in his closet, a special quilt on his bed and some legos in the play room just for him. We are glad that he is safe and sound with his siblings and we are excited to meet him face to face some day soon.

Brayan,

We're not sure how much of Brazil and the transition to the US you will remember when you get older, but we are glad that caring people are meeting your needs while we work to come to Brazil to become your parents. Being part of a forever family is a very special experience, and we can hardly wait to share it with you.

Happy birthday darling!