This is from Kerry Hasenbalg's blog. She's amazing and she (and her friend Lydia, whom she quotes in this post) are saying just what i've been needing to hear these last few days.
Moving the Mountain of Self
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear" I John 4:18
I just ran across a wonderful thing tonight written by a friend of mine, Naomi, who is still in the very long process of waiting to adopt her child, which she has been matched with, from China. I thought it was worth sharing her words because to me it speaks a profound, but perhaps difficult to hear, truth: She writes, "I believe that God can move mountains and take us to China earlier if it is His will, but I also believe that He wants to move the mountain of self and unbelief in our hearts first."
So, to you, my sister in Christ, Naomi, I say, "wise words, and AMEN!" I believe the biggest spiritual mountains standing in the way of us experiencing greater and more blessed things in this life more readily are very often the mountains of our own self-will, pride, fear, jealousy, idolatry, judgment, and certainly unbelief. ...We stumble more over our own issues than probably anything else that is "in our way". And perhaps God allows these circumstantial things to be in our way, so that we will notice the nasty blemishes of our souls which we are now being forced to address out of necessity and desire to move on. It is God's great love for us that He often calls us to wait..and wait..and wait for certain blessings and resolutions to come to pass so that He can do a great and necessary work in us in the meantime; which is often the building up of our faiths...believing first what we cannot see. So that when our desires are fulfilled, we are surely aware that the credit and glory belongs to God. The Father's goal is to transform us into a beautiful church, as a radiant, faithful and humble Bride for His Son, Jesus. He desires for us to know His love for us and His ability to save. He cares far more about our holiness than our happiness at this point in the eternal scheme. Are we complaining that we haven't reached our individual promise lands in our timing, all the while circling in the desert because we can't see where we are going due to the mountains of our own sin blocking the way. Instead of blaming God as we often do, we perhaps might take a page from the days of Moses and thank the Lord for long-suffering with such a stiff-necked and unbelieving people as us. It may seem that we are the only ones waiting, but let us not forget all the patient waiting God is doing on us as well (not to mention all the saints who have waited and learned patience before us).
And as for the orphans and other vulnerable one who wait while we wait, we ask you Lord to be with them and comfort and protect them in the meantime. We claim your scriptural promise specifically for all the children who are waiting to come home at last, which says "We know that you are able to keep that which we have entrusted to you until that day." We also know that you are not causing all the delays which "plagued" or human hearts, but we also believe you are using the these things to transform us along the way. And while we are "waiting", please help us choose not to fear or get in a mode of worldly striving and self-righteous control which can harm us and others. Minister to our hearts of your fatherly and unfailing love.
God knows what stands in our way and He loves us, and so we must simply keep making our requests known to Him and then trust Him to do what is best for us. And most assuredly, in His timing, He will answer our prayers and move what must be moved for His will to come to pass. The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want...I shall trust and be willing to see what He is showing me about me - in me - so that I can be as He intends me to be for His glory and for my blessing. Everyone has times of suffering and waiting in this life, but not everyone grows in faith and matures in character in the process. Much of the outcome in us is our choice to enter in to His love and light.
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