What if God asked me to give up this adoption process, could I surrender it? It's all His after all. I like to think that we heard His call when He led to Brazil. In fact, I think that most days I leave it all in His hands. But there are days when I'm tempted to worry, to fret, to make frenzied phone calls or scurry busily about trying to get something accomplished on my own. There are corners of my heart that want to hold fast to this process and our family's future as if I could make it happen myself. Truth be told, the moments that the unsurrendered parts of my heart take over my emotions an my actions are the moments of most unrest. I need to surrender it all and trust that even if God's plan is different than mine (i.e. kids by Christmas, or even by spring), it's a perfect plan. Surrender.
And sovereignty. It will be so amazing to see, when this process is over and we just get to be parents, how God planned out every bit of it. I'm sure it will be so clear that He has orchestrated every moment. I have it imagined as 2 pieces of paper--one on which we've mapped this journey step by step, and another, a piece of vellum or tracing paper, that will be laid on top of what we've seen with our eyes all this time connecting all the dots and revealin the Fingerprints of God. Won't it be great to see even a little fraction of that in the faces of our children?
It's hard to wait sometimes. But I think we can wait one more day. Anyone can wait for a day, right? And then, after that, we'll just wait one more.
1 comment:
I think sometimes God will direct us down a particular path so He can do something we don't expect, and in doing so to teach us, to reveal Himself to us, to increase our faith in Him. Yet the chances are, God probably didn't orchestrate the details of this adoption process this far only to ask you to give it up entirely, even though it is possible (He did give Isaac to Moses and asked Moses at one point to sacrifice him afterall...). It is hard for me also to have faith to trust God with the most precious treasures in my life. What if He takes my child away, or my husband, or my health? Let us pray that God will enable each other to have perfected and complete faith, my friend! We can rest assured that His will is "for the good of those who love Him and who have been called according to His purpose." Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings, Kim! You are in my prayers.
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