One more day

I've spent a good amount of time this past week talking to good friends who wise and encouraging.  It's good for the soul to have such good friends.  One got me thinking about surrender, the other, sovereignty.  

What if God asked me to give up this adoption process, could I surrender it?  It's all His after all.   I like to think that we heard His call when He led to Brazil.  In fact, I think that most days I leave it all in His hands.  But there are days when I'm tempted to worry, to fret, to make frenzied phone calls or scurry busily about trying to get something accomplished on my own.  There are corners of my heart that want to hold fast to this process and our family's future as if I could make it happen myself.  Truth be told, the moments that the unsurrendered parts of my heart take over my emotions an my actions are the moments of most unrest.  I need to surrender it all and trust that even if God's plan is different than mine (i.e. kids by Christmas, or even by spring), it's a perfect plan.  Surrender.

And sovereignty.  It will be so amazing to see, when this process is over and we just get to be parents, how God planned out every bit of it.  I'm sure it will be so clear that He has orchestrated every moment.  I have it imagined as 2 pieces of paper--one on which we've mapped this journey step by step, and another, a piece of vellum or tracing paper, that will be laid on top of what we've seen with our eyes all this time connecting all the dots and revealin the Fingerprints of God.  Won't it be great to see even a little fraction of that in the faces of our children?  

It's hard to wait sometimes.  But I think we can wait one more day.  Anyone can wait for a day, right?  And then, after that, we'll just wait one more.

This is an empty mailbox

My mailbox is empty too.  Still no USCIS Approval.  Somehow running straight for the mailbox every day hasn't sped the process along at all, so far as I know.  Stopping home "on the way" back to work after running school-related errands didn't speed it along either.  I'm thinking about calling CIS to find out what the status is.  Maybe tomorrow.  They are closed for today.

Message to our Children

Dearest Ones,

Someday you'll read this and I wonder what you'll think.  I'm trying to fill these pages with all the love I have in my heart for you, but somehow I'm sure it's not enough.  You'll need more than just these pages.  You came to us because of a loss you and your birth family suffered, and that is a loss you will always have beside you.  You have not always been ours, but I believe that there was never a day when we were not miraculously linked.  Sometimes I don't feel like I'll have enough to give you to make up for all your hurt.  Will I be able to help you pick up all your pieces and mend them together to form the Whole children God wants you to be?  I will do all I can, every day, and pray that that will be enough.  

Your Mama

All things work together for good

I have the distinct impression that God is working on more projects in this world than I can wrap my mind around.  I hope there comes a day when I can clearly see the threads of His sovereign plan weaving tightly in and out of every inch of the universe and praise him for the perfect tapestry He's created.

The  papers will not be able to be translated early because the translator had a personal, family crisis and had to fly to Brazil (Lord, hold her up).  Big changes are afoot in our church (Father hold us together).  James is working toward his license (God, give him strength).  

So many questions (Jesus, be our strength).